Jiggles are a good thing!

I saw this on Pinterest and it made me smile.  When I first started working out with Ben, I would always get so discouraged because all of my fat jiggled so much.  I would want to quit because I didn’t want to feel it (or hear it… those thighs can make loud slapping noises sometimes!).  I would use it as a reminder that I was fat.

But he always told me to use it as motivation, that every time I felt the jiggle to remember that it’s the fat coming off of me.

I still jiggle, but I can tell it’s a little less jiggling now.  And then it will be less… and less… and less….

So don’t worry about the jiggle.  Making it jiggle is going to make it disappear a lot faster!

the things i used to wear

Yesterday I realized on two different occasions that I don’t wear the same kinds of clothes I used to wear.

In elementary school I stopped wearing dresses, bathing suits, and tank tops. It embarrassed me to show my skin.

In middle school I stopped wearing shorts. I also started wearing long-sleeved shirts under my t-shirts. And when I wasn’t wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a t-shirt, I was wearing a big hoodie. And jeans. Always jeans.

In high school I started wearing tank tops under all of my shirts so I could have enough coverage to “hide” my butt. I stopped wearing capris also.

In college I started wearing slimmers. And I’m not just talking about one pair of thigh slimmers. I wore slimmers that went to my boobs all the way down to my ankles. I also would wear slimming tank tops and corsets even.

So by the time I was in college, I didn’t wear shorts, dresses, bathing suits, tank tops by themselves, short sleeves unless they went to my elbows. But I did wear tank tops to layer and add coverage and slimmers of every variety. I started wearing capris again. I stopped layering my t-shirts with long-sleeved shirts though, so that’s good. And I also stopped wearing hoodies every day.

Speaking of hoodies, when I went to Nicaragua one time, I literally wore long pants and a hoodie one day. It was miserable. And our Senior year in high school, we went to the zoo around the end of May, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. It was equally miserable.

As I began to lose weight my wardrobe began to change. Little by little I allowed myself to wear something I used to deem taboo for me. I never judged others who were overweight when they wore bathing suits or tank tops or dresses, but I judged myself. In all honesty, I was completely jealous of them because they were comfortable enough to wear them!

Now, I can wear a tank top around the house or outside to take out the trash or exercise in the drive way without feeling uncomfortable. Now, I wear dresses all the time, sometimes even ones that go to my knees or a little above. Now, I don’t have to have slimmers on to leave the house and hardly ever even wear them! Now, I don’t wear hoodies in the summer, and I wear form-fitting blouses. Now I don’t even have to layer tank tops under my shirts. Now I don’t worry about wearing shorts around the house.

The only things left that I don’t wear in public but wish I did are: shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits. I wear them around the house, but my goal is to wear them in public my next Summer. I’m excited because this was the last summer that I didn’t wear completely what I wanted to wear.

I am slowly losing my insecurities regarding clothes, and I am so proud of myself. It seems weird to talk about this because it sounds so silly to me. I don’t know why I put those restrictions on me, but I did. But now they are coming off.

Proving People Wrong

 

Enough said.  Any nay-sayers in your life?  The best way to shut them up is to prove them wrong.  

I’m not one to encourage proving people wrong, but sometimes I think you just have to.  Who do I have to prove wrong, you ask?  

Myself.

Day 22

I am officially smaller than I have been since middle school!  Yay!

223 pounds… It’s coming off slower than I wanted, but I’m just happy it’s coming off!     

Definition of Lazy

People keep telling me to stop beating myself up, to stop putting myself down, to stop saying I’m being lazy…

They keep telling me to be kind to myself, to look at how far I’ve come, to not give up…

I agree with all those statements, and I certainly appreciate everyone’s input and concern.

You shouldn’t beat yourself up. You shouldn’t call yourself names. You should be kind to yourself. And you should not give up on your goals. I agree.

But I honestly don’t understand how me calling myself out for not getting the work done that I should’ve completed and for saying that my actions are lazy isn’t me being kind to myself. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes a pat on the back and a “Good try” just doesn’t cut it. If I constantly excuse my behavior, how am I going to improve? Because if I excuse it, I’m just enabling myself to do it again. I’m not giving myself the chance to learn from it and do better.

Saying that I’m being lazy is just the truth. I’m not being mean to myself.

The definition of lazy is this: unwilling to work or use energy / characterized by lack of effort or activity / showing a lack of effort or care / slow-moving

Synonyms of lazy include: idle, slothful, negligent, inactive, sluggish, lethargic

I set a goal. I failed a goal. I realized my goal wasn’t going to work so I decided to at least finish out the goal as best as possible. But I haven’t been giving it my best. I’d been showing a lack of effort and care. So if I don’t start doing my best, I’m going to fail. The definition of to fail is this: to be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal.

I’m not even concerned about me not meeting my ‘under 200 by September 1st’ goal. I’m concerned with the fact that I’m not trying and doing my personal best. There’s a difference. I quickly realized that losing a pound a day wasn’t going to happen. That’s not the problem here.

I think it’s time to stop with the sugar coating, honestly. I’m not being mean to myself. I’m not putting myself down.

If I tried my hardest and truly did everything I could do and still didn’t meet my goal, that’s one thing. But if I didn’t meet my goal because I chose to sit on my butt and watch TV instead or because I knowingly and willingly slacked on my healthy eating, then I have no one to blame but myself.

Yes, I know that I’m only human and that I make mistakes. Yes, I know that calling myself names isn’t healthy. But I’m not calling myself names. I’m not saying “Laura, you’re such a lazy fat-ass who hasn’t accomplished anything. You suck!”

Calling myself out on being lazy and not reaching my goals is me owning up to my mistakes and naming them so I have a better chance at not doing them again.

Me calling my actions lazy and me failing to do my best is just the truth.

Maybe you don’t like those words. Maybe they both do have negative connotations in our society. But just relying solely on the definitions of these words here, I have indeed failed because I was lazy half of the time.

To me, at least, there’s no difference in saying “I failed because I was lazy” and in saying “I didn’t reach my goal because I wasn’t active enough with my workouts and diligent enough with my healthy eating.”

They both mean the same thing to me, and they both have the same outcomes to me. The second one is more specific, but it’s just a nicer, more sugar-coated way of saying the first.

I don’t hate myself. I love me. And I am committed to losing weight and being healthy and happy, and in a lot of ways I am healthy and happy already. And I know i’m going to do it. But I’m done sugar-coating things. I will be proud of myself when I know I gave it my all, but if I don’t do my best then I’m not going to be satisfied. It’s not like I’m saying, “I’m disappointed in myself even though I tried my hardest but failed anyway because I was lazy.”

And there are certainly times I am proud of myself. I’m proud of myself today because I know I did everything I could today to be happy and healthy. I’m drinking my water, I’m eating healthy, and I let myself workout hard enough.

I’m not mad at myself. I’m not beating myself up. I just refuse to be proud of myself when I didn’t try my best. I don’t expect to be perfect. I’m not even trying to be perfect. I don’t want to be perfect.

I am a positive but realistic person, at least I try to be. I can still be positive while calling my actions lazy. Maybe others don’t see it that way? I don’t know. All I know is I understand what I’m saying, and for the first time in my life, all I want is to do my best, not to break all the records and be perfect. I just want to do my best. And that’s what I’m trying to do. But not doing my best day after day is getting tiring.

So there’s the end of my rant. I sincerely appreciate everyone’s comments and concern for me. But I am doing fine. Don’t be worried that I’m saying I’m being lazy. It’s coming from a place of love and honestly I’m just choosing to use words that society has deemed “harmful” … but I don’t take it that way.

I think we can all agree that it’s important to do your best and give it your best shot. That’s all we can do, and that’s all I’m trying to do. 🙂

Handling Setbacks

 

I’m not doing as well as I would like to be doing, but I’m still moving forward.  The fact that I haven’t completely given up means at least something to me.  Maybe I’m still “failing” because I haven’t met my goals, but I’m not quitting.  I will get there.

I haven’t been as active as I should be these last few days, but I’m getting back on track now.  It’d be nice if I never had setbacks or if I at least got back on track faster after a setback, but I’m just not there yet.  I should be, but I’m not.

I’ve set hundred of goals over the years that I have failed.  It would make sense if I never believed another word that came out of my mouth regarding my weight loss, and it wouldn’t surprise me if those around me don’t believe in me.  But I’m hopeful enough to not give up on myself, because if I give up on me, then I’m done and being healthy and happy is hopeless.  I can’t do that.  I won’t do that.

Goals for the Week

Hello my blogging friends!

August is over half way over now, and I have a feeling these next two weeks are going to fly by!

I’ve come up with a few goals for myself for this week:
*Drink enough water! Water is so important, and I keep finding myself drinking way too little. My goal is 110oz of water a day.
*Workout at Snap Fitness. I signed up for a 30-day trial, and my pass just came in the mail this weekend. Yay!
*Continue to blog daily.
*Don’t eat wheat. I keep saying I will stay away from it, but I’m not completely, and every time I eat it, I’m getting really bloated. It’s messing with my digestion, and it’s making my skin red and rashy. So I need to stay away!

So those are my goals for the week. What are yours?

I heart Saturdays…

Today has been a more quiet, relaxed day than usual.  I did 30 minutes of cardio this morning before breakfast.  

Then we had some delicious cinnamon and raisin French toast with turkey bacon and berries.  I love cooking!

Yesterday Ben finished one of his novels he’s been working on this summer (He’s written TWO so far!!), so I’ve spent the day reading/editing the first draft.  It’s truly a great story!  And I’m not just saying that because I’m biased… it really is!  I have a Master’s in Publishing & Editing – I know these kinds of things!  

😀 but seriously, it’s a good book that I’ve read for about 8 hours today.  He’s so talented!

For lunch we had roasted potatoes, white fish, and homemade pineapple-ginger salsa.  It was pretty darn tasty.  I even used canned diced tomatoes with green chilies because I didn’t have any fresh ones, and it still tasted really fresh.  

Almost dinner time, and i’m not really sure what to make.  I have 1/2 a cabbage and some sweet potatoes that are on the verge of going bad, so it will probably be something with that.  

I’m starting to think maybe I should take pictures and post recipes of the things I make… maybe even include calories and what not.  Would anyone be interested in that?  I do it every once in awhile, but I could make it part of my weekly blogging experience.

August 15, Already?

Half way through the month.  My initial goals for August were to 1) blog every day and 2) get under 200 lbs (losing 30 pounds).

Well, I’ve blogged every day so far, which is a huge accomplishment for me in itself.  Rarely do I do anything for 15 days in a row!

And while i haven’t lost a pound a day (which I now know is stinkin’ impossible for my body type!), I have lost 8.5 pounds in 15 days!

That’s over 1/2 a pound a day… I’ll take it!

I’d love to end the month losing 20 pounds, which I’m pretty sure I can do.  I just need to lose about 12 more.  I just realized that’s actually a great goal for me because if I meet it, I will then be at 100 pounds lost total.  That’s pretty cool, too!

 

doh! if only it worked that way!

Today Ben told me that my thighs were looking a little smaller.  I looked at them and said something along the lines of: “Yeah, I think they are looking WAY smaller here recently.  I think I may even be getting a thigh gap!” (*Please note a thigh gap is not my goal here!)

I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes at me and smiled and said something like: “Remember when you’d exercise for one day and say that you already looked so much smaller?”  And then he laughed.

I laughed, too.  Yes, I remembered because I’m pretty sure I do that every time.  I probably even said it a few weeks ago.  

Is anyone else like me and Homer?

I don’t really know why I do it.  Maybe I look a little smaller because I lose initial water weight, or maybe I’m not smaller at all and just feel smaller because I’m more pumped up about losing weight.  Either way, I always think I look awesome after exercising, which is okay by me!  Unless it gives me a false sense of security… but who cares!  If I’m feeling good about my body because I’m working it out, then I’m okay with that.