Tag Archives: Success

reFocus. Every. Single. Day.

Why do I complicate things for myself? I don’t understand me. Like at all.

I just want to be able to commit to something and give it my everything. But I always fall short. I literally can’t commit to anything for more than a day it seems. Keeping my room clean, staying in touch with people I love, blogging, prepping meals, running, losing weight ….

Ugh. Losing weight. That’s the worst one.

Even when I do actually do well for a few weeks, I get complacent and almost completely undo everything I worked so hard for.


This struggle is real. I’m convinced I will never struggle with anything else as much as I will struggle with my own self.

I was thinking today how I need to refocus again. I’ve been thinking this a few days now, actually. Yesterday I decided today would be the day that I just start all over. Today would be the day to refocus again.

And then I realized one of the problems. I need to refocus every single day. I need to recommit every day. I need to remind myself why I am doing this.

Every. Single. Day.

Hyping it up on Day One isn’t going to be good enough for Day Twenty-One. Shoot, it’s not even going to be good enough for Day Two.

I compared myself to my car today. I always let the gas get down to around 10 miles until empty. I don’t know why. But I do. One time I did this on a road trip and we just barely made it to a gas station. Remember that, Ben? Hahahaha…. okay maybe it’s not funny. Definitely not then…… Maybe a little funny now?

But anyway. I do the same with my tablet. And my phone. I let it almost die before I recharge it.

And while that may semi-work for a car, tablet, or phone, that does not and will never work for me.

I am not a machine.

if I wait until I am empty, until I’ve completely lost focus and passion and stamina, then I’m just going to be dying refueling/recharging over and over again. I’m never going to progress. I’m going to lose the same 5, 10, 20…90 pounds over and over! And yes, I’m working on losing the same 90 pounds again.

So because I’m so tired of annoying myself and trying to make Day One’s energy last me for days at a time until I peter out and undo it all, I’m going to try to refocus every day.

I want to remind myself why I am doing this.

So why am I doing this?

1. I want to be healthy. Not just “good-enough” healthy, but really healthy. I don’t want my own neglect to be the reason I find myself with some disease or complication now or later in life. I already have enough going against me. Why add to the problem?

2. I want to stop hiding behind insecurities, fears, and assumptions. I once made a list of almost 100 things I didn’t do because of my weight. I don’t want my body to limit anything I think I can or cannot do.

3. I want to keep my promise of losing weight and being healthy. I owe it to myself, and I’ve punished myself entirely too long.

But overall… I want to lose weight because I want to be happy.

And I’m not going to be truly happy until I am healthy, until I stop hiding, and until I fulfill my promise. I’m not going to be fully happy until I can look deep inside my soul and know that I really did give everything that I had.

So my game plan?

1. reFOCUS every day. Remind myself why I’m doing this. Remember what’s at stake if I don’t.

2. Eat and drink properly.

3. Move efficiently and often.

That’s all. That’s as detailed of a plan as I have. I’m not going to waste my time drawing out some elaborate workout plan and to-do list. I’m just going to do it.

I know that I’m worth it. I even know that I can do it. I just have to refocus. Every. Single. Day.

I would love to know what you do to stay focused. 🙂


August Over Already?

September is almost here, which means my August goals are coming to an end.  I’ve been thinking of what goals I want to do for September.

I don’t think I’m going to do a goal of blogging every day this time.  I blew that goal out of the water, thankfully!  I literally don’t think I’ve ever done anything consistently for a month straight.  So goal accomplished.

Ben had a goal of writing TWO novels in August, and he is going to accomplish his goal!  I think that’s pretty amazing to be able to write that much in such a short amount of time.  And the writing is wonderful, too!  Hopefully he gets another published book out of it!

My goal of getting under 200 lbs is nowhere close to being completed, but it was unrealistic anyway.  So my September goal is going to involve more weight loss.  I’m still 22 lbs away from 200 lbs, which is much more than I would have liked, but it is what it is.

So for September, I’m not even going to try to lose the lbs.  I just want to get past my 100 lbs lost mark, which means I want to weigh at most 211 by October 1st.  That’s only about 11 lbs to lose, so I can do that!  I hope, at least.

I go back to work in September, and my schedule is going to be rather busy, so as long as I mindfully plan workouts and actually stick to it, then I will be fine.

So my September goals:

1. Weigh 211 by October 1st

2. Blog 3x a week

3. Drink at least 100 oz of water a day (I really need to drink more water.  I’m always parched at the end of the day!)

I’ve never set goals by the month and actually stuck by them the entire time.  I think it helps keep me focused, so hopefully September’s goals will all be accomplished!

How did your August goals turn out?

Handling Setbacks



I’m not doing as well as I would like to be doing, but I’m still moving forward.  The fact that I haven’t completely given up means at least something to me.  Maybe I’m still “failing” because I haven’t met my goals, but I’m not quitting.  I will get there.

I haven’t been as active as I should be these last few days, but I’m getting back on track now.  It’d be nice if I never had setbacks or if I at least got back on track faster after a setback, but I’m just not there yet.  I should be, but I’m not.

I’ve set hundred of goals over the years that I have failed.  It would make sense if I never believed another word that came out of my mouth regarding my weight loss, and it wouldn’t surprise me if those around me don’t believe in me.  But I’m hopeful enough to not give up on myself, because if I give up on me, then I’m done and being healthy and happy is hopeless.  I can’t do that.  I won’t do that.

Goals for the Week

Hello my blogging friends!

August is over half way over now, and I have a feeling these next two weeks are going to fly by!

I’ve come up with a few goals for myself for this week:
*Drink enough water! Water is so important, and I keep finding myself drinking way too little. My goal is 110oz of water a day.
*Workout at Snap Fitness. I signed up for a 30-day trial, and my pass just came in the mail this weekend. Yay!
*Continue to blog daily.
*Don’t eat wheat. I keep saying I will stay away from it, but I’m not completely, and every time I eat it, I’m getting really bloated. It’s messing with my digestion, and it’s making my skin red and rashy. So I need to stay away!

So those are my goals for the week. What are yours?

August 15, Already?

Half way through the month.  My initial goals for August were to 1) blog every day and 2) get under 200 lbs (losing 30 pounds).

Well, I’ve blogged every day so far, which is a huge accomplishment for me in itself.  Rarely do I do anything for 15 days in a row!

And while i haven’t lost a pound a day (which I now know is stinkin’ impossible for my body type!), I have lost 8.5 pounds in 15 days!

That’s over 1/2 a pound a day… I’ll take it!

I’d love to end the month losing 20 pounds, which I’m pretty sure I can do.  I just need to lose about 12 more.  I just realized that’s actually a great goal for me because if I meet it, I will then be at 100 pounds lost total.  That’s pretty cool, too!


The Time I Almost Broke Down in the Middle of the Road…

Ben and I went for a run a few days ago. I don’t know why but sometimes I can’t seem to move my legs at all. This was one of those times.

I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. The words “I can’t do it” even crossed my lips, but I ran anyway. S … L … O … W …

Ben came up behind me and put his hand on my back, pushing me forward. I had to move faster; otherwise, I would fall. So I ran faster, and I was so amazed at how fast I was running with his help. After awhile I completely forgot he was even there. I was running as fast as I do in my dreams. And it was amazing. Do you remember how it felt to learn to ride a bike for the first time? Mom or Dad or Brother or Grandma or Whoever, finally letting go of you and the bike so you could ride on your own…

It felt like that.

I could see our house a few blocks away, and I was so excited because I was running so fast and because i was going to be done running soon.

So what does Ben do? He guides me down a different road, leading me away from the end of our run. It was hard to fight back the tears. I actually wanted to stop running and fall to the ground, kicking and screaming and pouting like a child. To make it worse, Ben let go of me and ran ahead of me. My pace slowed drastically.

Here I was just a few blocks away from my house, and I felt so lost and abandoned. How silly of me, honestly. I realized how irrational I was being and decided to run faster and just deal with it. I picked up the pace, Ben came back, and I ran my fastest home, feeling more accomplished than I probably ever have.

Because sometimes we think we know where we are going, only to find we actually have no idea. We think we have it all figured out. But life throws something at us and we have to duck or turn around or venture down a different path. We don’t always get to do things how we think they should be done.

But that’s okay. Because if we stay focused, we can still get it done.

I learned something from that run, well several somethings, really.
1. I don’t always have to know where I am going because I am strong enough and smart enough to deal with it.
2. Even when I think I can’t, I have to try anyway, because more than likely I’m going to prove myself wrong.
3. Ben wasn’t abandoning me. He was doing quite the opposite, really. He was letting me figure it out on my own so I could grow from it, deal with it. Him running ahead and leaving me behind was him supporting me. Besides, he came back less than a minute later anyway! And he encouraged me all the way home.

I’ve been trying to lose weight for 20 years now. I can’t even count how many times I have failed. But I’m finally getting somewhere. This time it is different, and I couldn’t be more excited.

Keep going after your goals and dreams.  Sooner or later you are going to get it right. 🙂

to fail … or NOT to fail

It isn’t fun to fail.  I’m aware that’s kind of a “no duh” statement, but I struggle with failing.  I know how discouraging it is to fail, and yet I allow myself to fail over and over.  Granted, there are some things I have no control over.  Some things I’m going to fail at because I have no other option but to fail.  That’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about how it sucks to fail at something that I know I should be and CAN BE succeeding at.

In this case, I’m talking about my weight loss journey.

I fail.  I give up.

And then I feel sorry for myself…

And while I’m moping around because I failed at something I should have conquered, I find myself in an even deeper hole than I was before because while I was moping, I was slacking on the exercise and stuffing my face with unhealthy foods.

So by the time I can talk myself into trying again, I have to play catch up…

And by the time I catch up to where I was before I gave up in the first place, I’m so exhausted that I can easily talk myself out of going any further.

After all, I did just work really hard to lose those 5 or 10 pounds, right?

So I give up… again… at the same exact place I was the last time.  Before I gave up.  No progress.  I worked hard in between the two failures, but it doesn’t even matter because I’m still in the same place.

I’m so annoying.

I’m tired of annoying myself.  I’m tired of getting close to something great and letting it pass me by so I can take something of lesser value.

Makes. No. Sense.

I’m saying all of this now because I’m on the cusp of something great again. 

I don’t want to ruin it.  I don’t want to fail, especially by my own hands.

So I’m going to try something crazy here and actually not let myself give up.  I’m not giving up.  I know my pattern, and I know that right now is about the time I would give up.

But I’m not going to this time.  I’m going to go beyond where I usually go.  I like what I’m seeing in the mirror.  I like how strong I am becoming.  I like this version of me, and I’m not ready for her to go away.

I’m ready for her to become even better, stronger, healthier.

And I’m not going to accomplish that by giving up.

So onward I go…

Whatever it is you are struggling with, whether that’s an addiction or self-acceptance or some goal, don’t give up.  It will be worth the fight.  Yes, the fight may be long, and you will fall down some.  But get back up.

Always. Get. Back. Up.


You owe it to yourself.  You really do.

To fail or not to fail… What’s it going to be?