Monthly Archives: May 2015

reFocus. Every. Single. Day.

Why do I complicate things for myself? I don’t understand me. Like at all.

I just want to be able to commit to something and give it my everything. But I always fall short. I literally can’t commit to anything for more than a day it seems. Keeping my room clean, staying in touch with people I love, blogging, prepping meals, running, losing weight ….

Ugh. Losing weight. That’s the worst one.

Even when I do actually do well for a few weeks, I get complacent and almost completely undo everything I worked so hard for.

Whyyyyyyyyyyy?

This struggle is real. I’m convinced I will never struggle with anything else as much as I will struggle with my own self.

I was thinking today how I need to refocus again. I’ve been thinking this a few days now, actually. Yesterday I decided today would be the day that I just start all over. Today would be the day to refocus again.

And then I realized one of the problems. I need to refocus every single day. I need to recommit every day. I need to remind myself why I am doing this.

Every. Single. Day.

Hyping it up on Day One isn’t going to be good enough for Day Twenty-One. Shoot, it’s not even going to be good enough for Day Two.

I compared myself to my car today. I always let the gas get down to around 10 miles until empty. I don’t know why. But I do. One time I did this on a road trip and we just barely made it to a gas station. Remember that, Ben? Hahahaha…. okay maybe it’s not funny. Definitely not then…… Maybe a little funny now?

But anyway. I do the same with my tablet. And my phone. I let it almost die before I recharge it.

And while that may semi-work for a car, tablet, or phone, that does not and will never work for me.

I am not a machine.

if I wait until I am empty, until I’ve completely lost focus and passion and stamina, then I’m just going to be dying refueling/recharging over and over again. I’m never going to progress. I’m going to lose the same 5, 10, 20…90 pounds over and over! And yes, I’m working on losing the same 90 pounds again.

So because I’m so tired of annoying myself and trying to make Day One’s energy last me for days at a time until I peter out and undo it all, I’m going to try to refocus every day.

I want to remind myself why I am doing this.

So why am I doing this?

1. I want to be healthy. Not just “good-enough” healthy, but really healthy. I don’t want my own neglect to be the reason I find myself with some disease or complication now or later in life. I already have enough going against me. Why add to the problem?

2. I want to stop hiding behind insecurities, fears, and assumptions. I once made a list of almost 100 things I didn’t do because of my weight. I don’t want my body to limit anything I think I can or cannot do.

3. I want to keep my promise of losing weight and being healthy. I owe it to myself, and I’ve punished myself entirely too long.

But overall… I want to lose weight because I want to be happy.

And I’m not going to be truly happy until I am healthy, until I stop hiding, and until I fulfill my promise. I’m not going to be fully happy until I can look deep inside my soul and know that I really did give everything that I had.

So my game plan?

1. reFOCUS every day. Remind myself why I’m doing this. Remember what’s at stake if I don’t.

2. Eat and drink properly.

3. Move efficiently and often.

That’s all. That’s as detailed of a plan as I have. I’m not going to waste my time drawing out some elaborate workout plan and to-do list. I’m just going to do it.

I know that I’m worth it. I even know that I can do it. I just have to refocus. Every. Single. Day.

I would love to know what you do to stay focused. 🙂


May Goals….

April turned out decent. At one point, I had lost 8 pounds, but by the end of the month it was only 5. But a loss is a loss, right?

My body is definitely changing from all the running, yoga, and butt/leg exercises I’ve been doing.

And I’ve been drinking a little more water, though I really need to step it up with this one!

In April I started doing something each day that makes me happy, and I must say overall it’s making me generally more happy. It’s nice to focus on me and what I enjoy doing, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

So my goals for May?

1. Seriously get this water thing down! Must. Drink. More.

2. Begin incorporating 4-mile runs into my schedule at least twice a week.

3. Continue doing something every single day that makes me happy.

4. Get my room organized. It’s a mess, and the boxes of papers and piles of clothing are driving me crazy!

I’m hoping to lose 12 pounds this month, so we’ll see. That would get me back to where I was in August before I gained almost 20 pounds back (yikes!)….