Tag Archives: Personal Stories

Don’t Give Up Just Because You Mess Up

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I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was in the third grade. That’s 20 straight years of me focusing on my weight and how it needed to go.

I have grown so much over the years and feel that every day I am more and more prepared and capable of living a healthy and happy life.

I’ve messed up countless times. I had lost 80 pounds, only to gain 90 back in less than 2 years’ time. I’ve lost the same 10 lbs AT LEAST 20 times (seriously). Through all my failures, it would have been easy to give up. If I can’t figure something out in 20 years, then I’m never going to, right?

WRONG.

I don’t have all the answers (not even close!), but I do know that I deserve to be healthy and happy and that I’m the only one who can give that to myself. I have fallen countless times, but I get back up every single time. I am constantly learning new things about me. I’m learning to push myself. I’m learning that I am in control of what I say, do, eat, drink, etc. Me. Not anyone else. Something within me refuses to just give up forever, refuses to resign to the fact that I will be obese all my life.

Have I wanted to give up? Yes, of course, I have had those defeating thoughts, and sometimes I’ve gone a few days, weeks, months feeling weak and like a failure. But even then, in the back of my mind, I knew I had to find a way to accomplish my goals.

 

It’s not about how fast you get to the finish line. It’s about learning how incredible and strong and capable and beautiful you are on the journey, right now.

 

Don’t give up because you keep messing up.

If something doesn’t work, try it again, and if it doesn’t work again, try tackling the problem from a different angle. You owe it to yourself to keep going. Don’t deny yourself the freedom and joy that come with realizing how strong you really are. You can do this.

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Running Away the Clouds

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Today is cold and windy and cloudy. I contemplated not going for my run because the conditions weren’t right. And then I realized that was just a bit silly.

If I wait for conditions to always be right, I’m never going to get anywhere — not just in running but in all areas of my life.

Not every day is going to be beautiful and sunny and happy and wonderful, and I have to be okay with that. I have to adjust and still get things done.

It’s easy for me to find excuses as to why I didn’t do this or that, but I’m happy I’m realizing these now.

I’m happy I made myself run. I ran for 32 minutes. It was a hard run (and not the best time for the distance) because it was colder than I liked, and it was really windy, and it happened to start raining half way through. But I completed it.

The minute hard times come, I can’t just give in or fall back. I’m learning how to fight; I’m learning how to push through my fears, excuses, and insecurities.

Life is really hard right now for me. It’s tempting to consider just giving up, but it makes much more sense to continue eating, sleeping, and exercising good because it helps with stress and mood levels among other things. Those things I can control.

Fighting against my insecurities, excuses, and fears makes me stronger, not weaker. 

Funny thing is, after I finished my run, I was sitting on the porch listening to the birds singing. And the clouds parted and the sun poked through. The wind calmed down, and the raining stopped.

In that moment I needed to see that and feel that. What I didn’t need today was to run in the warm sunshine because that’s not teaching me anything. And I want to learn. Character


Change is Good!

I’m getting stronger. Not just physically but mentally. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I can feel myself changing a little.

Examples?
*I haven’t been finishing my meals if I’m satisfied before the food is gone. I’m pretty sure I’ve never done this before!
*I’m consistently exercising and pushing myself. And I’m willing to even push myself more. I’m trying to not settle for good enough.
*I haven’t been sneaking food or eating all the time.
*When I’m feeling discouraged, I remind myself why I’m doing this and why I need to keep going.

Losing weight is hard work, but I’m finding that as my head gets back in the game and stays there, it’s much more manageable. I know that I can do this. Just have to keep focusing!


No More Fooling Around…

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I’m renaming this month.  As of now, it is No-Fooling-Around-April.

After having quite an unsuccessful winter and beginning to spring, it is past time I refocus and take care of myself.

For April, I have four goals:

1. Eat healthy, wholesome foods & drink enough water.

2. Get in at least 30 minutes of activity at least 6 times a week.

3. Blog daily to track my progress.

4. Do something every day that makes me happy.

Honestly, this should be easy enough to do.  I’m not giving up.  Eventually, I will be at a healthy weight.  I just need to learn to enjoy the process.  If I actually enjoy what I’m doing, it’s going to be a lot easier to stay on point.


See Your Healthy Self (A Guest Post!)

This week, I’ve asked a good friend of mine to be a guest writer.  I met her through WordPress, as she has a wonderful blog where she writes about her journey on becoming a healthier woman, both inside and out.  I encourage you to visit her blog if you are looking for another great one to follow and learn from.

See Your Healthy Self

I was having lunch with a friend , and I mentioned that I have a whole person to lose–in weight. My current weight is 316 lbs. I could easily lose a 150 pounds and still be considered overweight by BMI measurements. My friend asked, “Can I tell you something and you not be offended?” Well, I don’t offend easily, but I braced myself and accepted her encouragement.

My friend is a life coach at heart, so I asked her to join me as a partner in my online support group. As a Behavior Specialist, I know how important vulnerability is to the development of a group, so I am frequently vulnerable and transparent in our group. She observed my focus on the amount of weight that I have to lose, and my acceptance of being fat, obese, — no…morbidly obese. I tried to explain to her why it is that I feel I need to accept who I am.

I have considered having some shirts made that say something like, “Don’t be fooled. I’m wearing a fat suit.” (if you take my idea, you better send me a shirt!) I am trying to imagine this outer covering of insulation as something that will eventually be taken off. Unfortunately, it isn’t something that I can just unzip and slip out of like a little black dress, so my healthy state isn’t as obvious to others as it is to me. Since others do not recognize my healthy state, I have had a difficult time accepting it myself.

While she understood where I was coming from, her message was that she doesn’t see me as fat. She sees all of the healthy decisions that I have permanently applied to my life, and she describes me as “healthy and disciplined,” two words I would never have used to describe myself given the appearance of my body. She believes psychologically, I have gotten in the way of my weight loss and health goals, by continually seeing myself as fat after making sustaining healthy changes.

So as I do with any problem, I searched for a solution. My response to her was, “Ok, so I am an excellent student. What I set out to do, I accomplish. I will accept your vision as my vision. I will be positive in my outlook and look for positive changes to come from it.” I am now attempting to make a permanent behavior change by seeing myself as she sees me. When I begin to evaluate myself, I will put on her glasses to see myself, and in doing so, it is my hope that permanent change will come.

I encourage you to do the same thing. Learn from my issues. Don’t require yourself to live through mistakes that someone else has conquered. Make a proclamation that will strengthen your health/fitness goals. Envision yourself stepping out of the layer of insulation that is covering you. Could it really be that simple–just unzip it and take it off? Not without work on nutrition/fitness of course, but with it, perhaps. Join me?

A special thank you to my friend Crystal Boyette for seeing me and helping me to see myself for who I truly am, and not what a fat prejudiced society teaches me to think. Also, thank you Laura Campbell for time on your blog. You inspire me!!

About the Author:  Margie Fuller has a master’s degree in Organizational Psychology and is a Behavior Specialist. She is the owner of the blog 241Journey on WordPress. She runs a private, FB support group for women who have 50 or more lbs to lose and struggle with self-concept issues.


a second chance (for the 1,593,247,217th time)

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Hello to my friends in the Blog World!  It’s been awhile, 2 1/2 months, so I guess a LONG WHILE.  My last post was about how terribly I was slacking, and unfortunately I just continued to slack throughout the holidays and into the new year.  I’m up more than 10 pounds, and I’m ready to lose them again, as well as more this time.

I wish this wasn’t so hard for me to do, but it just seems like it’s always going to be a daily struggle of mine.  But I will keep going.  I will keep trying.  Someday I WILL get this right!  I’m just trying to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to get everything perfectly right all at once.  I should be happy as long as I’m progressing…

So now I just need to make some type of progress.  I suppose writing this post is a progress all on its own.

I have dreams for my life.  I have goals for this year.  I’m just ready to finally be the woman I want to be, the woman I know I am deep inside somewhere.  I’m going to make progress this year.  I’ve wasted so much of my time, energy, money, and tears.

Blogging is therapeutic for me because it forces me to pause for at least a moment to write down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I need to do this more, even if just for me.


the things i used to wear

Yesterday I realized on two different occasions that I don’t wear the same kinds of clothes I used to wear.

In elementary school I stopped wearing dresses, bathing suits, and tank tops. It embarrassed me to show my skin.

In middle school I stopped wearing shorts. I also started wearing long-sleeved shirts under my t-shirts. And when I wasn’t wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a t-shirt, I was wearing a big hoodie. And jeans. Always jeans.

In high school I started wearing tank tops under all of my shirts so I could have enough coverage to “hide” my butt. I stopped wearing capris also.

In college I started wearing slimmers. And I’m not just talking about one pair of thigh slimmers. I wore slimmers that went to my boobs all the way down to my ankles. I also would wear slimming tank tops and corsets even.

So by the time I was in college, I didn’t wear shorts, dresses, bathing suits, tank tops by themselves, short sleeves unless they went to my elbows. But I did wear tank tops to layer and add coverage and slimmers of every variety. I started wearing capris again. I stopped layering my t-shirts with long-sleeved shirts though, so that’s good. And I also stopped wearing hoodies every day.

Speaking of hoodies, when I went to Nicaragua one time, I literally wore long pants and a hoodie one day. It was miserable. And our Senior year in high school, we went to the zoo around the end of May, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. It was equally miserable.

As I began to lose weight my wardrobe began to change. Little by little I allowed myself to wear something I used to deem taboo for me. I never judged others who were overweight when they wore bathing suits or tank tops or dresses, but I judged myself. In all honesty, I was completely jealous of them because they were comfortable enough to wear them!

Now, I can wear a tank top around the house or outside to take out the trash or exercise in the drive way without feeling uncomfortable. Now, I wear dresses all the time, sometimes even ones that go to my knees or a little above. Now, I don’t have to have slimmers on to leave the house and hardly ever even wear them! Now, I don’t wear hoodies in the summer, and I wear form-fitting blouses. Now I don’t even have to layer tank tops under my shirts. Now I don’t worry about wearing shorts around the house.

The only things left that I don’t wear in public but wish I did are: shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits. I wear them around the house, but my goal is to wear them in public my next Summer. I’m excited because this was the last summer that I didn’t wear completely what I wanted to wear.

I am slowly losing my insecurities regarding clothes, and I am so proud of myself. It seems weird to talk about this because it sounds so silly to me. I don’t know why I put those restrictions on me, but I did. But now they are coming off.