the things i used to wear

Yesterday I realized on two different occasions that I don’t wear the same kinds of clothes I used to wear.

In elementary school I stopped wearing dresses, bathing suits, and tank tops. It embarrassed me to show my skin.

In middle school I stopped wearing shorts. I also started wearing long-sleeved shirts under my t-shirts. And when I wasn’t wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a t-shirt, I was wearing a big hoodie. And jeans. Always jeans.

In high school I started wearing tank tops under all of my shirts so I could have enough coverage to “hide” my butt. I stopped wearing capris also.

In college I started wearing slimmers. And I’m not just talking about one pair of thigh slimmers. I wore slimmers that went to my boobs all the way down to my ankles. I also would wear slimming tank tops and corsets even.

So by the time I was in college, I didn’t wear shorts, dresses, bathing suits, tank tops by themselves, short sleeves unless they went to my elbows. But I did wear tank tops to layer and add coverage and slimmers of every variety. I started wearing capris again. I stopped layering my t-shirts with long-sleeved shirts though, so that’s good. And I also stopped wearing hoodies every day.

Speaking of hoodies, when I went to Nicaragua one time, I literally wore long pants and a hoodie one day. It was miserable. And our Senior year in high school, we went to the zoo around the end of May, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. It was equally miserable.

As I began to lose weight my wardrobe began to change. Little by little I allowed myself to wear something I used to deem taboo for me. I never judged others who were overweight when they wore bathing suits or tank tops or dresses, but I judged myself. In all honesty, I was completely jealous of them because they were comfortable enough to wear them!

Now, I can wear a tank top around the house or outside to take out the trash or exercise in the drive way without feeling uncomfortable. Now, I wear dresses all the time, sometimes even ones that go to my knees or a little above. Now, I don’t have to have slimmers on to leave the house and hardly ever even wear them! Now, I don’t wear hoodies in the summer, and I wear form-fitting blouses. Now I don’t even have to layer tank tops under my shirts. Now I don’t worry about wearing shorts around the house.

The only things left that I don’t wear in public but wish I did are: shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits. I wear them around the house, but my goal is to wear them in public my next Summer. I’m excited because this was the last summer that I didn’t wear completely what I wanted to wear.

I am slowly losing my insecurities regarding clothes, and I am so proud of myself. It seems weird to talk about this because it sounds so silly to me. I don’t know why I put those restrictions on me, but I did. But now they are coming off.

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11 responses to “the things i used to wear

  • sagelit

    It’s not silly, I think most people who are concerned about their weight start changing their clothes at least a little bit. I haven’t had proper shorts in years, just capris. I used to wear tank tops and bathing suits (1-piece) without issue, and now I can hardly bear to put them on even in my own house, let alone going anywhere.
    I’m glad you’re moving past it and back into the clothes you love. I’m looking forward to getting to that point myself.

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      It was scary at first, and it still is. Like yesterday, I went jogging in a bright green shirt. I used to literally only wear dark colors – gray, black, brown, etc. And I was a little self-conscious at first but then it got better, and at the end I didn’t even care. I think a lot of for me, and maybe for others, is to just face the fear little by little, to challenge yourself and what you are comfortable with. You will get there, too! I’m on the journey with you, too… I’m nowhere close to being comfortable in a bathing suit! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!

  • obesetwentysomething

    Even when my BMI was 22, i felt too embarrassed to wear shorts, bathingsuis, anything figure hugging, anything sleaveless. Because everyone else looked perfect. I am also going to aim for shorts next summer – at least since I am moving hemispheres that means 18 months for me and not 12! I am happy that you are letting go of the restrictions! #shorts2015

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      love the # !!!

      I remember when I would try to explain to people why I didn’t want to wear those things I would always feel bad. Not just for myself but because I was afraid they were afraid I judged them for wearing things. I didn’t have the mindset of “fat people shouldn’t wear this or that” … I had the mindset of “fat Laura can’t wear anything!” … You bring up a great point. It doesn’t matter what your weight is, what you look like, or anything. If you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, then you are uncomfortable. Thanks for the comment! #shorts2015 … and good luck with your goals too!!!

  • littlemoreeachday

    I definitely still feel a little nervous any time I wear something form fitting because it’s so far outside my former-fat-girl comfort zone and yet those are the things I always get the most positive feedback on. Being brave to enough to wear new kinds of clothes is definitely a victory worth celebrating!

  • lifeisfullofsunnydays

    Sadly I can relate. I always thought my legs were not proportional and my ankles were way too skinny compared to my thighs. I never wear tights or jeggings or even skinny jeans. It’s crazy the unwarranted restrictions we put on ourselves.

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