Monthly Archives: February 2014

see you later scales & mirrors!

So my last post I was griping about how I always seem to look fatter when I’m working out and eating the best.  Thanks to all those who encouraged me to keep going, because I kept going, and I can feel myself getting stronger.

I think it’s time I stop worrying about what number is on the scale and what the mirror is showing.  It’s not helping me because I get discouraged too easily.  What is helping, though, is seeing my weight loss journey as a life-changing experience.  I used to always look at it like this:  eat healthy and exercise to lose all the weight so I can get skinny, look great, and eat whatever I want again.

Faulty. Logic. Right. There.

This doesn’t work for two reasons.

1) If I do this, I may or may not lose the weight because I’m probably going to give up because it’s such a huge task that’s going to take a long time.  I think this is partly why I fail so much because every time I fail one time, I get discouraged and think I can’t do it.

2) If I temporarily eat healthy and exercise to lose the weight, then I’m going to gain it all back once I stop!  (DUH Laura!)

So… it finally makes perfect sense that I have to make this my new lifestyle.  I can’t focus on the numbers anymore.  I have to focus on making this a lifestyle change, and I have to realize that no matter what the scale says, as long as I’m treating my body with respect, making it sweat, and fueling it with nutritious foods, then I’m going to be okay.  I will get to where I’m going, one healthy decision at a time.

This isn’t to say I won’t occasionally weigh myself, and it’s not like I’m covering all the mirrors in my house… but I’m in this for the long haul.

Being healthy isn’t a goal with a finish line… it’s a never ending journey that we all deserve and need to travel and explore!

Never give up… ever…


My weight loss is being stubborn right now.  I’ve eaten healthy this week and exercised every day, and I feel like I look fatter than I did the week before.  I hate when that happens.  I’m probably just bloated, but it still sucks to work so hard and look worse than you did when you weren’t working hard.  But I have to keep going.  I can’t use this as an excuse to give up!

I don’t know if it’s physical or mental/emotional for me, but it’s something! 

Have you ever thought you looked worse when you are trying to lose weight than when you aren’t? 

But no matter what, I’m not giving up.  Even if I don’t look better, I know that I’m feeling better and on my way to being even healthier… so it’s worth it!

Don’t throw overripe food away!

2014-02-21 10.58.52

Overripe bananas and almost wilted spinach?  Why not put them together in individual baggies with some fruit (I chose blueberries.) and freeze them for a fast and easy smoothie when you’re in a hurry throughout the week?

I like to mix mine with almond milk or water, one scoop of protein powder (I like SunWarrior chocolate pea protein powder.), and a teaspoon of cinnamon.  Yum!

Anything to make eating healthy convenient!!

What are some of your time/money-saving tips you use for healthy food?

Happy Friday everyone 🙂

Sometimes I’m afraid to lose weight…

Growing up I had a huge problem with perfectionism, which is funny to me, considering I was always so overweight and my health was no where close to being perfect.

But nevertheless, when it came to anything besides my weight, I was a perfectionist.  The blankets on my bed had to be completely wrinkle-free.  When I would put my hair up in a ponytail, it had to be completely smooth with no bumps.  I would peel an orange for almost an hour to get all of the white stuff off.  I wouldn’t paint my nails because I couldn’t get them perfect and hated when they chipped.  I would spend ridiculous amounts of hours on assignments to make sure I got at least a 100%.  I would cry if I tried to ice a cake and crumbs got mixed in with the icing.  Sometimes I would even just throw it away and start all over.

I was an all-or-nothing perfectionist.  Sometimes I still am if I’m being honest.  If I couldn’t do it perfectly, I wouldn’t do it at all.  I guess that’s why I just left the weight loss thing alone – I knew I couldn’t do it, so I didn’t even try.  And if I did try and I failed one time, I would just quit.  If I didn’t have time to deep clean my room, I wouldn’t clean it at all.

The list goes on and on … really, it was ridiculous how much perfectionism & procrastination (because it had to be all or nothing) controlled my life.

In college, I began seeing a counselor.  Life seemed way too stressful, and I was beginning to freak out because nothing was going the way I thought it should be going.  We talked a lot about my weight and about my perfectionism.  It’s weird to think how I was a perfectionist, a procrastinator, and person who settled for mediocre all at once.  But if you really think about it, it actually makes sense.

I had an idea in my head of how something was to be.  If I couldn’t do it perfectly, I wouldn’t do it at all.  And if I HAD to do something and knew I wouldn’t be able to do it perfectly, I would just do it mediocre.  I was so afraid to fail that I would not even try and just let my okay be good enough.

It’s a sad way to live… knowing you can do better but being too scared to actually do better.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my perfectionism and procrastination.  In college, I think I mostly got over my perfectionism in areas of my life.  I purposely made my bed messy.  I would put up my hair using my fingers and not a brush.  I would paint my nails a bold color and let them chip and not take it for weeks.  I stopped spending the extra 10 hours on my papers when I knew I already had an A paper written.  And it worked.  It taught me to relax more and just accept things.

And I began to realize that what I thought was perfect was really just my opinion and wasn’t true perfection.  I stopped being so hard on myself.

Right now, I’m struggling with this when it comes to weight loss though.  For so long I didn’t even try to lose weight, and now that I am trying, it’s way too easy for me to get discouraged and think that my best isn’t good enough, that I’m going to fail.

Honestly, I’m scared to lose weight.  I’m scared I’m going to fail again.  I’m scared I’m going to do it wrong.  I hate feeling this way because I’ve come so far with my perfectionism and with my weight loss, and days like today make me think I’m going to fall under its grasp again.  I have thoughts like:  What’s it matter if I lose weight when I’m still going to have all the stretch marks and excess skin, etc?  Why even try to lose weight when I’m probably going to fail anyway?

I hate days like today because I know I’m not perfect.  I don’t want to be perfect, but something inside me is messing with me, telling me that I have to be all-or-nothing, and I know it’s not true.  I just want to be healthy and happy and strong and successful at life.

I know perfection isn’t attainable, so why am I so worried about it?

Excuses, excuses…

When it comes to finding excuses to NOT workout, I’m pretty sure no one is better than me!

Oh, it’s snowing?  Probably shouldn’t drive in case it’s icy.

What?  I have to work late?  I’ll be too tired to workout when I get home.

Crap, I just started.  Guess I have to take the week off.

I ate a cupcake?  Exercising is just a waste at this point.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

These excuses don’t even make sense, because won’t exercising at least help negate the calories from the cupcake?  And isn’t it true that exercising actually gives you more energy and can help alleviate cramps?

All of my excuses are just silly.  I use them, because let’s face it, I’m either too lazy or too scared to meet my goals.  When you want something bad enough, you make it happen.  You don’t let little things (or big things) stand in your way.  I would always let anything I could remotely turn into a reason to not exercise get in my way.  It’s tiring.  It’s like I spend more time finding ways to get out of doing something when I could just do it and get it over with.

So that’s what I’ve been doing lately.  No excuses with working out.  Can’t make it to the gym?  Hey, I have an elliptical AT MY HOUSE!  I have weights and yoga videos and jump ropes… I really have no excuse.

Last Friday evening, I had to work late.  Usually I would use that as an excuse that I couldn’t exercise because I’d be too tired.  But I did it anyway.  I came home and jumped on the elliptical, and let me tell you, it felt great.  Not just exercising, but it felt great to overcome something I always allowed to hold me back.

Turns out that self-discipline is not only necessary, but it’s what makes you stronger, and it gives you more self-respect.  It feels good to push yourself.  Who would’ve thought?!

No more excuses.  Who’s with me? 🙂

I am my own Valentine…


I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day.  I always thought it was mostly because I was alone, and that I used my disdain for the holiday to mask how much I wished I had a love in my life.  But then I did have a love in my life for a few Valentine’s Days, and honestly, I still didn’t think much it.  Sure, it was nice to have someone, but it was even nicer to be in love.  So maybe my apathy for the day is legit.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love and about how lousy I can be at loving others sometimes.  I’ve decided to change that, and I know just where to begin.  With me.

To me, it seems that loving other people is a lot easier to do when you love yourself.  Loving yourself is hard because, after all, no one really knows you (your secrets, your thoughts, your actions when no one is around) as well as you know yourself, and if you can love yourself despite all the flaws, then loving others and their flaws doesn’t seem so bad.

There are quite a few things in my life I would like to change, but all of it circles back to me loving myself.  I can’t lose weight if I don’t love and respect myself enough to believe I deserve it.  I can’t love other people the way they deserve to be loved if I’m so wrapped up in my own problems and my own hate for myself.  It’s just not going to happen.

I’m ready to love others fully and deeply.  I’m ready to love myself.

Here are some ways I’m going to love myself (I’m sure these can apply to your own life in some way too!):

1. Working out – I’ve noticed when I work out, I have: more energy, a more positive outlook on life, more self-respect.

2. Eating healthy – When I eat crap, it makes me feel like a failure and a loser, but eating healthy makes me feel strong and alive.

3. Giving myself a break – Yes, I’m going to mess up, and when I do, I need to not beat myself up about it because that only makes me do worse.  I need to acknowledge what I did wrong, make amends if necessary, and move on.

4. Allowing for quality me-time – Whether that’s giving myself a pedicure or homemade facial, taking the time to journal or watch a favorite movie, learning something new like a language or knitting, or just taking a nap … I need to take care of myself, and I need that down time!

5. Talking to my loved ones – I have a bad habit of not keeping in touch with people, and I hate that.  I want to stay connected to the people I love.

So that’s my plan.  I hope you all are having a lovely day!

What I want most…


I just realized that I’m an idiot… well, at least an idiot for what I’m about to tell you.

I struggle with denying myself sugar, fat, and and processed crap, but I have no problem denying myself happiness, health, and strength.  Why is that?

I was just thinking about how it’s so hard for me to say “No” to junk food.  Usually, one way or another, I will talk myself into eating something I have no business eating.

Then I started thinking about other areas of my life.  If I want to watch a movie, I will ignore the work I have to get done and watch the movie instead.  If I want to buy a pair of shoes, I will buy them even if I don’t need them or should be spending the money on something else.  The list goes on, really.  I’m constantly seeking things that instantly satisfy me.  Constantly.  I’m not saying I do this in all areas of my life because I don’t think I do, but I do it enough to know that it’s a problem of mine.

The problem with seeking things to satisfy you instantly is that the satisfaction instantly goes away and is gone as quickly as it came.  You’re left there with an empty plate and crumbs on your shirt and maybe some stuck between your teeth.  You’re left there a nice pair of shoes but a dent in your banking account.  You’re left there with a movie watched but even more work waiting for you.  It never ends.  It’s tiring, really.

And then I had two thoughts: 1) I don’t think I deny myself anything and 2) Holy crap, I am denying myself all of the good stuff.

I’m not sure why it took so long for me to put the two together, but I realized that when I seek pleasure NOW, I’m paying for it not only NOW but LATER as well.

I’m missing out on all the good things in life.  I’m missing out on the strength I know is inside of me.  I’m missing out on happiness.  And health.  And the satisfaction of knowing I am taking care of myself, of knowing that I’m loving myself.  Because let’s be honest, when I treat myself with disrespect (like how I called myself an idiot at the beginning…ooops…or when I eat the desserts and ruin the hard work I did) I’m not loving myself.  And if I’m not loving myself…then how can I love others…how can I do anything worth doing if I don’t even respect myself enough to say “No” to some ridiculous food so I can say “Yes” to health and happiness?

Just a thought I had today…

Anyway, I’ve worked out four days in a row on my new elliptical.  Buying it looks as if it’s going to be one of the greatest health decisions I’ve ever made.  I’m hopeful it’s going to work!  This week I am going to begin incorporating some strength training as well, and maybe I’ll even begin yoga again.

The problem has never been my exercising, though.  It all begins and ends with the food.  What I put in my mouth has always been the deciding factor on whether or not I lose weight.  I’m not doing horrible by any means.  This week I’ve eaten better than I have in a long time.  I even resisted all the sweets at the baby shower a few days ago!!  But there’s still room for improvement.

Is there anyone else out there like me?  Do you sometimes feel like you are chained to unhealthy food and sucky decisions?  What do you do to overcome it?