the things i used to wear

Yesterday I realized on two different occasions that I don’t wear the same kinds of clothes I used to wear.

In elementary school I stopped wearing dresses, bathing suits, and tank tops. It embarrassed me to show my skin.

In middle school I stopped wearing shorts. I also started wearing long-sleeved shirts under my t-shirts. And when I wasn’t wearing a long-sleeved shirt and a t-shirt, I was wearing a big hoodie. And jeans. Always jeans.

In high school I started wearing tank tops under all of my shirts so I could have enough coverage to “hide” my butt. I stopped wearing capris also.

In college I started wearing slimmers. And I’m not just talking about one pair of thigh slimmers. I wore slimmers that went to my boobs all the way down to my ankles. I also would wear slimming tank tops and corsets even.

So by the time I was in college, I didn’t wear shorts, dresses, bathing suits, tank tops by themselves, short sleeves unless they went to my elbows. But I did wear tank tops to layer and add coverage and slimmers of every variety. I started wearing capris again. I stopped layering my t-shirts with long-sleeved shirts though, so that’s good. And I also stopped wearing hoodies every day.

Speaking of hoodies, when I went to Nicaragua one time, I literally wore long pants and a hoodie one day. It was miserable. And our Senior year in high school, we went to the zoo around the end of May, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. It was equally miserable.

As I began to lose weight my wardrobe began to change. Little by little I allowed myself to wear something I used to deem taboo for me. I never judged others who were overweight when they wore bathing suits or tank tops or dresses, but I judged myself. In all honesty, I was completely jealous of them because they were comfortable enough to wear them!

Now, I can wear a tank top around the house or outside to take out the trash or exercise in the drive way without feeling uncomfortable. Now, I wear dresses all the time, sometimes even ones that go to my knees or a little above. Now, I don’t have to have slimmers on to leave the house and hardly ever even wear them! Now, I don’t wear hoodies in the summer, and I wear form-fitting blouses. Now I don’t even have to layer tank tops under my shirts. Now I don’t worry about wearing shorts around the house.

The only things left that I don’t wear in public but wish I did are: shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits. I wear them around the house, but my goal is to wear them in public my next Summer. I’m excited because this was the last summer that I didn’t wear completely what I wanted to wear.

I am slowly losing my insecurities regarding clothes, and I am so proud of myself. It seems weird to talk about this because it sounds so silly to me. I don’t know why I put those restrictions on me, but I did. But now they are coming off.