Tag Archives: wellness

Being Fat Makes Me Do Stupid Things…

All my life I’ve had too much fat on my body, and all my life I’ve allowed that to significantly influence almost every decision I’ve made. When I was a teenager, I made a list of things I don’t do because of my weight.  I came up with 80 different things.

80!

Over the years I’ve slowly been crossing some of the items off the list–either because I now do it or because I realized how stupid it was for it to ever be on there in the first place.

Some examples…

I wouldn’t…

jump on trampolines with my friends, swim or go to the beach, sit in lawn chairs because I was afraid I would break them or get stuck…

I couldn’t…

sit on the ground because I didn’t want people watching me try to get up, run or do any kind of physical activity…

I didn’t…

go to a single dance at school (not even prom), have a boyfriend, date…

I didn’t…

wear tank tops, bathing suits, shorts, or even capris.  I used to never wear dresses.

And I know how ridiculous that sounds.

But I created and believed these lies that I couldn’t do these things because of my fat.   But things are changing.

Now, I wear dresses all the time, and I love them.  I love them even more, I think, because they symbolize that I’m making progress.  That I’m learning to stop being so hard on myself.  That maybe, just maybe, my fatness doesn’t have to define who I am anymore.  Just because I have fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or deserving.  And that is such a freeing feeling.

It’s important to mention that I never really held anyone else up to the standards I had for myself, which should have been a hint to me that many of the things on my list were completely irrational and unnecessary and disrespectful.

I’m tired of disrespecting myself.

But nevertheless, I limited myself, and it crippled me.

I’m tired of being crippled, especially by my own hands.

I still have a list of things I don’t do because of my weight, but it’s getting much smaller, and I’m looking forward to continue the process of crossing them off one by one.

It’s time I stop allowing my fat to cripple me.  It’s time I stop making excuses and just go for what I want and deserve in life.

What are some things you’ve denied yourself because you felt like you didn’t deserve them?  How did you overcome it?  I’d love for you to share your thoughts, struggles, success stories with me.

Laura.

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