Tag Archives: truth

Onward, I Go…

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I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up on everything. But I’m trying with all my might to stay positive and focused and to try and make the best decisions for my life. It’s so hard sometimes to know whether or not what I am doing will be worth it.

That’s why my focus can’t be a number. My focus can’t be how I’m going to look in a bathing suit. I can only focus on doing what makes my body healthier, stronger, and happier. And quite honestly, my entire being is happier and stronger and healthier when I’m giving it the proper nutrition and physically pushing myself to reach new goals. I need to remember that.

Remember that, Laura.

Sometimes I feel as if I know myself well. I can be honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts and actions. Other times I find myself pausing, quietly searching for me, for my purpose. Sometimes I just feel lost.

This morning, I’m really struggling. I want certain things in my life to be a certain way, and I just don’t know if I’m ever going to make it. I don’t feel strong enough. I don’t feel smart enough. I don’t know what I’m doing.

And that makes me want to just quit. It makes me want to forget about my goals and my search for happiness. But I can’t. Something within me just won’t let me give up entirely. Somehow I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to trust that I can do this. I’ve got to believe that this is going to work, that my life isn’t just wasting away, that I’m not just going to waste away.

Growing up, I always envisioned my life a little differently than how it’s turned out so far. I always dreamed about losing weight (since I was 6 years old), and I always dreamed about making a noticeable difference in the lives of others, and I always dreamed about being in love and being married, knowing that I had found that one person to share everything with, knowing that I would be happy and secure.

My problem is that I always DREAMED and never ACTED.

I feel like I’m just guessing at life. I suppose that’s in some way got to be normal. I just need to have confidence and enough faith in myself and enough faith in God to know that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens…I’m. Going. To. Be. Okay.

Here goes nothing… or everything, I suppose.

So there’s my woe-is-me post for the day.

Just getting this off my chest makes me feel a bit better. It also helps to feel the sun shining on me through the window and to hear the birds singing outside.

I’ve just got to stay focused! I’m done wallowing for the day. Things may be intense right now for me, but I’ve got good things going on, too. I just need to let them happen and get out of my own way!

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Four days into the month, and I’ve eaten good each day. I’ve also gone for a run each day. And I’ve done something that makes me happy each day. Yesterday I didn’t post a blog, but I have 3 out of the 4 days, so I’m okay with that. I’ve even lost 2.5 pounds. Overall, I am proud of myself for these last few days.

I know that I can turn all of this around. Even now I feel renewed a bit… it’s slight, but I can feel it.

I’m just going to fight this and move forward, because if I give in, that means I go backwards. And going backwards means I’m even further from my goals. And I refuse to do that this time.

Onward, I go.

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Everything Happens for a Reason?

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There’s a popular saying I’m almost positive I hear once a day. Everything happens for a reason.

Spilled coffee all over yourself before work. Everything happens for a reason.

Ran out of gas. Everything happens for a reason.

Got fired from a job. Everything happens for a reason.

Loved one passes away. Everything happens for a reason.

And on and on it goes.

I’m not sure when I realized it, but somewhere along the line of growing up, I realized how much of a problem I have with this saying. I’m aware of how comforting this saying can be. It’s nice to have hope that things are going to work out and that every situation in your life happened for a very special and specific reason, because if you believe that everything happens for a reason, then you will probably have an easier time getting through whatever happens to you. But I’m also aware of how often this saying is used as an excuse. Sometimes you just run out of gas because you forgot to fill up the tank. Sometimes you get fired from a job for no other reason than you just weren’t doing the work good enough.

I happen to agree that everything does happen for a reason. But I suppose that phrase to me is more times than not more of a “no duh” statement. (No offense to those who firmly believe that everything does in fact happen for a reason.) Any action taken (even a non-action) is going to produce some type of result: Cause and Effect. So yes, everything does happen for a reason.

But do I think that everything that happens to us was supposed to happen exactly how it happened so some greater good could come from the experience? No, I don’t. At times that can certainly be the case, but sometimes bad things happen to us because our actions or someone else’s actions force them to happen. Sometimes bad things happen for the simple fact that life just sucks. Can something good come from our bad decisions and our bad experiences? Of course. Did said bad experience happen just so we could learn from it? No, I don’t think so.

Sometimes we just have to deal with the consequences of our decisions. The ability to learn from and gain something positive from a bad decision/bad experience is simply a blessing that allows us to hopefully grown as a person. One doesn’t lose a child or get cancer JUST so they could learn to appreciate their own life more. Learning to appreciate life is just a wonderfully bittersweet lesson gained from a terrible experience.

Some things are out of our control. No matter what we do, we have no real influence on the cause or even the effect. And that really sucks. But I’m talking about those mistakes we make that we had complete control over.

Like my weight, for example.

Over the winter I gained back almost 20 pounds that I worked so hard to lose during the summer/fall. Why did this happen? Because I let it happen. I caused it to happen. It was my choice, and now I am dealing with the consequences.

Now, I have to lose those 20 pounds before I get back to where I was. This didn’t happen for some magical reason. It happened because I ate too much food and didn’t move enough. Thankfully, though, I can learn from it and move on. I take full responsibility for my gains, and that gives me comfort because this is something I can actually control. I can control what I eat and when I move.

We are free to choose, but we must realize that the consequences of our actions are always going to be there. We can always learn from the things that happen to us, regardless of whether or not they “happen for a reason”.