Tag Archives: respect

I am my own Valentine…

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I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day.  I always thought it was mostly because I was alone, and that I used my disdain for the holiday to mask how much I wished I had a love in my life.  But then I did have a love in my life for a few Valentine’s Days, and honestly, I still didn’t think much it.  Sure, it was nice to have someone, but it was even nicer to be in love.  So maybe my apathy for the day is legit.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love and about how lousy I can be at loving others sometimes.  I’ve decided to change that, and I know just where to begin.  With me.

To me, it seems that loving other people is a lot easier to do when you love yourself.  Loving yourself is hard because, after all, no one really knows you (your secrets, your thoughts, your actions when no one is around) as well as you know yourself, and if you can love yourself despite all the flaws, then loving others and their flaws doesn’t seem so bad.

There are quite a few things in my life I would like to change, but all of it circles back to me loving myself.  I can’t lose weight if I don’t love and respect myself enough to believe I deserve it.  I can’t love other people the way they deserve to be loved if I’m so wrapped up in my own problems and my own hate for myself.  It’s just not going to happen.

I’m ready to love others fully and deeply.  I’m ready to love myself.

Here are some ways I’m going to love myself (I’m sure these can apply to your own life in some way too!):

1. Working out – I’ve noticed when I work out, I have: more energy, a more positive outlook on life, more self-respect.

2. Eating healthy – When I eat crap, it makes me feel like a failure and a loser, but eating healthy makes me feel strong and alive.

3. Giving myself a break – Yes, I’m going to mess up, and when I do, I need to not beat myself up about it because that only makes me do worse.  I need to acknowledge what I did wrong, make amends if necessary, and move on.

4. Allowing for quality me-time – Whether that’s giving myself a pedicure or homemade facial, taking the time to journal or watch a favorite movie, learning something new like a language or knitting, or just taking a nap … I need to take care of myself, and I need that down time!

5. Talking to my loved ones – I have a bad habit of not keeping in touch with people, and I hate that.  I want to stay connected to the people I love.

So that’s my plan.  I hope you all are having a lovely day!

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What I want most…

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I just realized that I’m an idiot… well, at least an idiot for what I’m about to tell you.

I struggle with denying myself sugar, fat, and and processed crap, but I have no problem denying myself happiness, health, and strength.  Why is that?

I was just thinking about how it’s so hard for me to say “No” to junk food.  Usually, one way or another, I will talk myself into eating something I have no business eating.

Then I started thinking about other areas of my life.  If I want to watch a movie, I will ignore the work I have to get done and watch the movie instead.  If I want to buy a pair of shoes, I will buy them even if I don’t need them or should be spending the money on something else.  The list goes on, really.  I’m constantly seeking things that instantly satisfy me.  Constantly.  I’m not saying I do this in all areas of my life because I don’t think I do, but I do it enough to know that it’s a problem of mine.

The problem with seeking things to satisfy you instantly is that the satisfaction instantly goes away and is gone as quickly as it came.  You’re left there with an empty plate and crumbs on your shirt and maybe some stuck between your teeth.  You’re left there a nice pair of shoes but a dent in your banking account.  You’re left there with a movie watched but even more work waiting for you.  It never ends.  It’s tiring, really.

And then I had two thoughts: 1) I don’t think I deny myself anything and 2) Holy crap, I am denying myself all of the good stuff.

I’m not sure why it took so long for me to put the two together, but I realized that when I seek pleasure NOW, I’m paying for it not only NOW but LATER as well.

I’m missing out on all the good things in life.  I’m missing out on the strength I know is inside of me.  I’m missing out on happiness.  And health.  And the satisfaction of knowing I am taking care of myself, of knowing that I’m loving myself.  Because let’s be honest, when I treat myself with disrespect (like how I called myself an idiot at the beginning…ooops…or when I eat the desserts and ruin the hard work I did) I’m not loving myself.  And if I’m not loving myself…then how can I love others…how can I do anything worth doing if I don’t even respect myself enough to say “No” to some ridiculous food so I can say “Yes” to health and happiness?

Just a thought I had today…

Anyway, I’ve worked out four days in a row on my new elliptical.  Buying it looks as if it’s going to be one of the greatest health decisions I’ve ever made.  I’m hopeful it’s going to work!  This week I am going to begin incorporating some strength training as well, and maybe I’ll even begin yoga again.

The problem has never been my exercising, though.  It all begins and ends with the food.  What I put in my mouth has always been the deciding factor on whether or not I lose weight.  I’m not doing horrible by any means.  This week I’ve eaten better than I have in a long time.  I even resisted all the sweets at the baby shower a few days ago!!  But there’s still room for improvement.

Is there anyone else out there like me?  Do you sometimes feel like you are chained to unhealthy food and sucky decisions?  What do you do to overcome it?