Tag Archives: love

A Look Inside My Heart

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September has gone by way too quickly, but that’s okay. I don’t care much for September anyway.

But I am looking forward to October. I think I’m happiest and most hopeful in October. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it just seems like all is right in my world in the month of October.

I adore the Fall. I love everything about it: the colorful, falling leaves; pumpkin patches and apple orchards; the cool mornings; sweaters and jeans and boots; bon fires and hot apple cider and hot tea. Everything is just perfect in October.

Anyway. My September goals haven’t gone so great. It takes me awhile to get into a new routine, and I think I’m almost there.  I’ve lost some weight, which is always good.  I’m going in the right direction.  Like always, I’m just taking my sweet time getting there.  Maybe that’s just me.  Sometimes I think it’s good to take your time.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  But I’m thinking I could still be slow and steady, but just do it a little bit faster!

I’m feeling more and more prepared and ready to make this a permanent life style.  I want to be the type of person who looks forward to waking up early to go for a run.  I want to feel proud of myself for working hard and accomplishing things I never thought I could.  I want to be able to wear whatever I want and feel confident and beautiful in anything or nothing.

I want to live my life knowing that I’ve done everything I could to make it a life worth living.  It goes so beyond just weight loss.  I don’t just want to lose the fat.  I want to lose the insecurities.  I want to lose everything that’s holding me back.  I want to lose the fear and anxiety.  I want to lose my lack of motivation.  I want to live a life with no regrets.  That’s what I want.  It’s what I need.

I want to be happy, and I know that starts with me.  No one can make me happy, at least not the happy I’m talking about.  Happy isn’t even the word, really.  I want to be at peace.  I want to be content with who I am as a woman.  I want to fully know that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing.

I want to love those around me with the purest of loves.  I don’t ever want someone I love to question whether or not they have my love.  I want them to know within their souls that they are loved by me.

Anyway.  That’s what I’m thinking about this morning.  What are you thinking about?  🙂

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I am my own Valentine…

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I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day.  I always thought it was mostly because I was alone, and that I used my disdain for the holiday to mask how much I wished I had a love in my life.  But then I did have a love in my life for a few Valentine’s Days, and honestly, I still didn’t think much it.  Sure, it was nice to have someone, but it was even nicer to be in love.  So maybe my apathy for the day is legit.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love and about how lousy I can be at loving others sometimes.  I’ve decided to change that, and I know just where to begin.  With me.

To me, it seems that loving other people is a lot easier to do when you love yourself.  Loving yourself is hard because, after all, no one really knows you (your secrets, your thoughts, your actions when no one is around) as well as you know yourself, and if you can love yourself despite all the flaws, then loving others and their flaws doesn’t seem so bad.

There are quite a few things in my life I would like to change, but all of it circles back to me loving myself.  I can’t lose weight if I don’t love and respect myself enough to believe I deserve it.  I can’t love other people the way they deserve to be loved if I’m so wrapped up in my own problems and my own hate for myself.  It’s just not going to happen.

I’m ready to love others fully and deeply.  I’m ready to love myself.

Here are some ways I’m going to love myself (I’m sure these can apply to your own life in some way too!):

1. Working out – I’ve noticed when I work out, I have: more energy, a more positive outlook on life, more self-respect.

2. Eating healthy – When I eat crap, it makes me feel like a failure and a loser, but eating healthy makes me feel strong and alive.

3. Giving myself a break – Yes, I’m going to mess up, and when I do, I need to not beat myself up about it because that only makes me do worse.  I need to acknowledge what I did wrong, make amends if necessary, and move on.

4. Allowing for quality me-time – Whether that’s giving myself a pedicure or homemade facial, taking the time to journal or watch a favorite movie, learning something new like a language or knitting, or just taking a nap … I need to take care of myself, and I need that down time!

5. Talking to my loved ones – I have a bad habit of not keeping in touch with people, and I hate that.  I want to stay connected to the people I love.

So that’s my plan.  I hope you all are having a lovely day!