Tag Archives: happiness

Don’t Give Up Just Because You Mess Up

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I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was in the third grade. That’s 20 straight years of me focusing on my weight and how it needed to go.

I have grown so much over the years and feel that every day I am more and more prepared and capable of living a healthy and happy life.

I’ve messed up countless times. I had lost 80 pounds, only to gain 90 back in less than 2 years’ time. I’ve lost the same 10 lbs AT LEAST 20 times (seriously). Through all my failures, it would have been easy to give up. If I can’t figure something out in 20 years, then I’m never going to, right?

WRONG.

I don’t have all the answers (not even close!), but I do know that I deserve to be healthy and happy and that I’m the only one who can give that to myself. I have fallen countless times, but I get back up every single time. I am constantly learning new things about me. I’m learning to push myself. I’m learning that I am in control of what I say, do, eat, drink, etc. Me. Not anyone else. Something within me refuses to just give up forever, refuses to resign to the fact that I will be obese all my life.

Have I wanted to give up? Yes, of course, I have had those defeating thoughts, and sometimes I’ve gone a few days, weeks, months feeling weak and like a failure. But even then, in the back of my mind, I knew I had to find a way to accomplish my goals.

 

It’s not about how fast you get to the finish line. It’s about learning how incredible and strong and capable and beautiful you are on the journey, right now.

 

Don’t give up because you keep messing up.

If something doesn’t work, try it again, and if it doesn’t work again, try tackling the problem from a different angle. You owe it to yourself to keep going. Don’t deny yourself the freedom and joy that come with realizing how strong you really are. You can do this.

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reFocus. Every. Single. Day.

Why do I complicate things for myself? I don’t understand me. Like at all.

I just want to be able to commit to something and give it my everything. But I always fall short. I literally can’t commit to anything for more than a day it seems. Keeping my room clean, staying in touch with people I love, blogging, prepping meals, running, losing weight ….

Ugh. Losing weight. That’s the worst one.

Even when I do actually do well for a few weeks, I get complacent and almost completely undo everything I worked so hard for.

Whyyyyyyyyyyy?

This struggle is real. I’m convinced I will never struggle with anything else as much as I will struggle with my own self.

I was thinking today how I need to refocus again. I’ve been thinking this a few days now, actually. Yesterday I decided today would be the day that I just start all over. Today would be the day to refocus again.

And then I realized one of the problems. I need to refocus every single day. I need to recommit every day. I need to remind myself why I am doing this.

Every. Single. Day.

Hyping it up on Day One isn’t going to be good enough for Day Twenty-One. Shoot, it’s not even going to be good enough for Day Two.

I compared myself to my car today. I always let the gas get down to around 10 miles until empty. I don’t know why. But I do. One time I did this on a road trip and we just barely made it to a gas station. Remember that, Ben? Hahahaha…. okay maybe it’s not funny. Definitely not then…… Maybe a little funny now?

But anyway. I do the same with my tablet. And my phone. I let it almost die before I recharge it.

And while that may semi-work for a car, tablet, or phone, that does not and will never work for me.

I am not a machine.

if I wait until I am empty, until I’ve completely lost focus and passion and stamina, then I’m just going to be dying refueling/recharging over and over again. I’m never going to progress. I’m going to lose the same 5, 10, 20…90 pounds over and over! And yes, I’m working on losing the same 90 pounds again.

So because I’m so tired of annoying myself and trying to make Day One’s energy last me for days at a time until I peter out and undo it all, I’m going to try to refocus every day.

I want to remind myself why I am doing this.

So why am I doing this?

1. I want to be healthy. Not just “good-enough” healthy, but really healthy. I don’t want my own neglect to be the reason I find myself with some disease or complication now or later in life. I already have enough going against me. Why add to the problem?

2. I want to stop hiding behind insecurities, fears, and assumptions. I once made a list of almost 100 things I didn’t do because of my weight. I don’t want my body to limit anything I think I can or cannot do.

3. I want to keep my promise of losing weight and being healthy. I owe it to myself, and I’ve punished myself entirely too long.

But overall… I want to lose weight because I want to be happy.

And I’m not going to be truly happy until I am healthy, until I stop hiding, and until I fulfill my promise. I’m not going to be fully happy until I can look deep inside my soul and know that I really did give everything that I had.

So my game plan?

1. reFOCUS every day. Remind myself why I’m doing this. Remember what’s at stake if I don’t.

2. Eat and drink properly.

3. Move efficiently and often.

That’s all. That’s as detailed of a plan as I have. I’m not going to waste my time drawing out some elaborate workout plan and to-do list. I’m just going to do it.

I know that I’m worth it. I even know that I can do it. I just have to refocus. Every. Single. Day.

I would love to know what you do to stay focused. 🙂


Onward, I Go…

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I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up on everything. But I’m trying with all my might to stay positive and focused and to try and make the best decisions for my life. It’s so hard sometimes to know whether or not what I am doing will be worth it.

That’s why my focus can’t be a number. My focus can’t be how I’m going to look in a bathing suit. I can only focus on doing what makes my body healthier, stronger, and happier. And quite honestly, my entire being is happier and stronger and healthier when I’m giving it the proper nutrition and physically pushing myself to reach new goals. I need to remember that.

Remember that, Laura.

Sometimes I feel as if I know myself well. I can be honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts and actions. Other times I find myself pausing, quietly searching for me, for my purpose. Sometimes I just feel lost.

This morning, I’m really struggling. I want certain things in my life to be a certain way, and I just don’t know if I’m ever going to make it. I don’t feel strong enough. I don’t feel smart enough. I don’t know what I’m doing.

And that makes me want to just quit. It makes me want to forget about my goals and my search for happiness. But I can’t. Something within me just won’t let me give up entirely. Somehow I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to trust that I can do this. I’ve got to believe that this is going to work, that my life isn’t just wasting away, that I’m not just going to waste away.

Growing up, I always envisioned my life a little differently than how it’s turned out so far. I always dreamed about losing weight (since I was 6 years old), and I always dreamed about making a noticeable difference in the lives of others, and I always dreamed about being in love and being married, knowing that I had found that one person to share everything with, knowing that I would be happy and secure.

My problem is that I always DREAMED and never ACTED.

I feel like I’m just guessing at life. I suppose that’s in some way got to be normal. I just need to have confidence and enough faith in myself and enough faith in God to know that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens…I’m. Going. To. Be. Okay.

Here goes nothing… or everything, I suppose.

So there’s my woe-is-me post for the day.

Just getting this off my chest makes me feel a bit better. It also helps to feel the sun shining on me through the window and to hear the birds singing outside.

I’ve just got to stay focused! I’m done wallowing for the day. Things may be intense right now for me, but I’ve got good things going on, too. I just need to let them happen and get out of my own way!

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Four days into the month, and I’ve eaten good each day. I’ve also gone for a run each day. And I’ve done something that makes me happy each day. Yesterday I didn’t post a blog, but I have 3 out of the 4 days, so I’m okay with that. I’ve even lost 2.5 pounds. Overall, I am proud of myself for these last few days.

I know that I can turn all of this around. Even now I feel renewed a bit… it’s slight, but I can feel it.

I’m just going to fight this and move forward, because if I give in, that means I go backwards. And going backwards means I’m even further from my goals. And I refuse to do that this time.

Onward, I go.


If I wanted it so badly, why didn’t it get done?

I was so tired yesterday that I ended up posting the same post twice!

This week could have been much, much better.  But I’ll just blame it on getting used to my new schedule.  I know that’s partly it, but I still should have done better.  Thankfully I have this weekend to help make up for my semi-crappy week, and then next week I will make sure it’s much more productive and effective.

I’m committed to losing this weight, and I want to live a healthy, happy life.  It’s really, truly what I want.  It’s something I’ve wanted for so long, but the crazy thing is this:  All along the power was in my hands.  I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I just would have taken control of my life.  Some people have problems that they can’t control and would give anything to be able to change their circumstances, but I can control my problem.  I don’t know why I’ve struggled with it all my life.  It’s in my power to change it.  I’m the only one who can change it.  So why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to be good to myself and to make sure I have what I need to be happy and healthy?  If that’s what I truly want and what I’ve always wanted, why in the world has it always been so hard to commit to it and get it done?  I always wonder that.  It makes me think that maybe I never really wanted it bad enough.  I don’t think that’s it, though.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I always just got so discouraged and felt so hopeless.  I didn’t believe that I could do it, and I would give up so easily.  I don’t know that that means I didn’t want it bad enough.  Any thoughts on that?

I’m not discouraged right now.  I had a crappy week.  Okay.  The week is over, and I’m ready to make the next one better. It’s just something i’ve been thinking about lately.


I am my own Valentine…

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I’ve never been a fan of Valentine’s Day.  I always thought it was mostly because I was alone, and that I used my disdain for the holiday to mask how much I wished I had a love in my life.  But then I did have a love in my life for a few Valentine’s Days, and honestly, I still didn’t think much it.  Sure, it was nice to have someone, but it was even nicer to be in love.  So maybe my apathy for the day is legit.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love and about how lousy I can be at loving others sometimes.  I’ve decided to change that, and I know just where to begin.  With me.

To me, it seems that loving other people is a lot easier to do when you love yourself.  Loving yourself is hard because, after all, no one really knows you (your secrets, your thoughts, your actions when no one is around) as well as you know yourself, and if you can love yourself despite all the flaws, then loving others and their flaws doesn’t seem so bad.

There are quite a few things in my life I would like to change, but all of it circles back to me loving myself.  I can’t lose weight if I don’t love and respect myself enough to believe I deserve it.  I can’t love other people the way they deserve to be loved if I’m so wrapped up in my own problems and my own hate for myself.  It’s just not going to happen.

I’m ready to love others fully and deeply.  I’m ready to love myself.

Here are some ways I’m going to love myself (I’m sure these can apply to your own life in some way too!):

1. Working out – I’ve noticed when I work out, I have: more energy, a more positive outlook on life, more self-respect.

2. Eating healthy – When I eat crap, it makes me feel like a failure and a loser, but eating healthy makes me feel strong and alive.

3. Giving myself a break – Yes, I’m going to mess up, and when I do, I need to not beat myself up about it because that only makes me do worse.  I need to acknowledge what I did wrong, make amends if necessary, and move on.

4. Allowing for quality me-time – Whether that’s giving myself a pedicure or homemade facial, taking the time to journal or watch a favorite movie, learning something new like a language or knitting, or just taking a nap … I need to take care of myself, and I need that down time!

5. Talking to my loved ones – I have a bad habit of not keeping in touch with people, and I hate that.  I want to stay connected to the people I love.

So that’s my plan.  I hope you all are having a lovely day!