Tag Archives: dreams

a second chance (for the 1,593,247,217th time)

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Hello to my friends in the Blog World!  It’s been awhile, 2 1/2 months, so I guess a LONG WHILE.  My last post was about how terribly I was slacking, and unfortunately I just continued to slack throughout the holidays and into the new year.  I’m up more than 10 pounds, and I’m ready to lose them again, as well as more this time.

I wish this wasn’t so hard for me to do, but it just seems like it’s always going to be a daily struggle of mine.  But I will keep going.  I will keep trying.  Someday I WILL get this right!  I’m just trying to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to get everything perfectly right all at once.  I should be happy as long as I’m progressing…

So now I just need to make some type of progress.  I suppose writing this post is a progress all on its own.

I have dreams for my life.  I have goals for this year.  I’m just ready to finally be the woman I want to be, the woman I know I am deep inside somewhere.  I’m going to make progress this year.  I’ve wasted so much of my time, energy, money, and tears.

Blogging is therapeutic for me because it forces me to pause for at least a moment to write down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I need to do this more, even if just for me.

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A Look Inside My Heart

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September has gone by way too quickly, but that’s okay. I don’t care much for September anyway.

But I am looking forward to October. I think I’m happiest and most hopeful in October. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it just seems like all is right in my world in the month of October.

I adore the Fall. I love everything about it: the colorful, falling leaves; pumpkin patches and apple orchards; the cool mornings; sweaters and jeans and boots; bon fires and hot apple cider and hot tea. Everything is just perfect in October.

Anyway. My September goals haven’t gone so great. It takes me awhile to get into a new routine, and I think I’m almost there.  I’ve lost some weight, which is always good.  I’m going in the right direction.  Like always, I’m just taking my sweet time getting there.  Maybe that’s just me.  Sometimes I think it’s good to take your time.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  But I’m thinking I could still be slow and steady, but just do it a little bit faster!

I’m feeling more and more prepared and ready to make this a permanent life style.  I want to be the type of person who looks forward to waking up early to go for a run.  I want to feel proud of myself for working hard and accomplishing things I never thought I could.  I want to be able to wear whatever I want and feel confident and beautiful in anything or nothing.

I want to live my life knowing that I’ve done everything I could to make it a life worth living.  It goes so beyond just weight loss.  I don’t just want to lose the fat.  I want to lose the insecurities.  I want to lose everything that’s holding me back.  I want to lose the fear and anxiety.  I want to lose my lack of motivation.  I want to live a life with no regrets.  That’s what I want.  It’s what I need.

I want to be happy, and I know that starts with me.  No one can make me happy, at least not the happy I’m talking about.  Happy isn’t even the word, really.  I want to be at peace.  I want to be content with who I am as a woman.  I want to fully know that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing.

I want to love those around me with the purest of loves.  I don’t ever want someone I love to question whether or not they have my love.  I want them to know within their souls that they are loved by me.

Anyway.  That’s what I’m thinking about this morning.  What are you thinking about?  🙂