I can do this.

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I’ve been working on decreasing my time and increasing my endurance for running. By gosh by golly I think I am getting better! April 1st when I started running again, it took me 16 min 26 sec to run 1.2 miles. Today it took me 14 min 15 sec!

I’m not sure if my body is just getting better, or if my mind is getting better and I’m learning to ignore my negative thoughts. I suppose a combo of both. But either way, I must keep improving!

I can do this. If I can stay out of my head long enough, I know I can get this done.

By the end of the summer, I want to be able to run this same route (1.2 miles) in under 10 minutes. That’s my long term goal for running. Here soon, I’m going to begin running longer distances again, but for now, I’m just trying to focus on this specific route. I’ve also been doing 10-15 minutes of intense elliptical after each run, too.

And I got a good deal on online yoga classes for 6 months, so I will be incorporating that into my workouts some, too.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this!

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Just Checking In

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Working out is easier when I’m on vacation and have no where I have to go. I’m thankful for this first week to kick-start it all, but I’m nervous about how I’ll do next week when I go back to work. I’ll figure it out though. I just have to stay focused. FOCUS!


Onward, I Go…

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I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up on everything. But I’m trying with all my might to stay positive and focused and to try and make the best decisions for my life. It’s so hard sometimes to know whether or not what I am doing will be worth it.

That’s why my focus can’t be a number. My focus can’t be how I’m going to look in a bathing suit. I can only focus on doing what makes my body healthier, stronger, and happier. And quite honestly, my entire being is happier and stronger and healthier when I’m giving it the proper nutrition and physically pushing myself to reach new goals. I need to remember that.

Remember that, Laura.

Sometimes I feel as if I know myself well. I can be honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts and actions. Other times I find myself pausing, quietly searching for me, for my purpose. Sometimes I just feel lost.

This morning, I’m really struggling. I want certain things in my life to be a certain way, and I just don’t know if I’m ever going to make it. I don’t feel strong enough. I don’t feel smart enough. I don’t know what I’m doing.

And that makes me want to just quit. It makes me want to forget about my goals and my search for happiness. But I can’t. Something within me just won’t let me give up entirely. Somehow I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to trust that I can do this. I’ve got to believe that this is going to work, that my life isn’t just wasting away, that I’m not just going to waste away.

Growing up, I always envisioned my life a little differently than how it’s turned out so far. I always dreamed about losing weight (since I was 6 years old), and I always dreamed about making a noticeable difference in the lives of others, and I always dreamed about being in love and being married, knowing that I had found that one person to share everything with, knowing that I would be happy and secure.

My problem is that I always DREAMED and never ACTED.

I feel like I’m just guessing at life. I suppose that’s in some way got to be normal. I just need to have confidence and enough faith in myself and enough faith in God to know that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens…I’m. Going. To. Be. Okay.

Here goes nothing… or everything, I suppose.

So there’s my woe-is-me post for the day.

Just getting this off my chest makes me feel a bit better. It also helps to feel the sun shining on me through the window and to hear the birds singing outside.

I’ve just got to stay focused! I’m done wallowing for the day. Things may be intense right now for me, but I’ve got good things going on, too. I just need to let them happen and get out of my own way!

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Four days into the month, and I’ve eaten good each day. I’ve also gone for a run each day. And I’ve done something that makes me happy each day. Yesterday I didn’t post a blog, but I have 3 out of the 4 days, so I’m okay with that. I’ve even lost 2.5 pounds. Overall, I am proud of myself for these last few days.

I know that I can turn all of this around. Even now I feel renewed a bit… it’s slight, but I can feel it.

I’m just going to fight this and move forward, because if I give in, that means I go backwards. And going backwards means I’m even further from my goals. And I refuse to do that this time.

Onward, I go.


Everything Happens for a Reason?

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There’s a popular saying I’m almost positive I hear once a day. Everything happens for a reason.

Spilled coffee all over yourself before work. Everything happens for a reason.

Ran out of gas. Everything happens for a reason.

Got fired from a job. Everything happens for a reason.

Loved one passes away. Everything happens for a reason.

And on and on it goes.

I’m not sure when I realized it, but somewhere along the line of growing up, I realized how much of a problem I have with this saying. I’m aware of how comforting this saying can be. It’s nice to have hope that things are going to work out and that every situation in your life happened for a very special and specific reason, because if you believe that everything happens for a reason, then you will probably have an easier time getting through whatever happens to you. But I’m also aware of how often this saying is used as an excuse. Sometimes you just run out of gas because you forgot to fill up the tank. Sometimes you get fired from a job for no other reason than you just weren’t doing the work good enough.

I happen to agree that everything does happen for a reason. But I suppose that phrase to me is more times than not more of a “no duh” statement. (No offense to those who firmly believe that everything does in fact happen for a reason.) Any action taken (even a non-action) is going to produce some type of result: Cause and Effect. So yes, everything does happen for a reason.

But do I think that everything that happens to us was supposed to happen exactly how it happened so some greater good could come from the experience? No, I don’t. At times that can certainly be the case, but sometimes bad things happen to us because our actions or someone else’s actions force them to happen. Sometimes bad things happen for the simple fact that life just sucks. Can something good come from our bad decisions and our bad experiences? Of course. Did said bad experience happen just so we could learn from it? No, I don’t think so.

Sometimes we just have to deal with the consequences of our decisions. The ability to learn from and gain something positive from a bad decision/bad experience is simply a blessing that allows us to hopefully grown as a person. One doesn’t lose a child or get cancer JUST so they could learn to appreciate their own life more. Learning to appreciate life is just a wonderfully bittersweet lesson gained from a terrible experience.

Some things are out of our control. No matter what we do, we have no real influence on the cause or even the effect. And that really sucks. But I’m talking about those mistakes we make that we had complete control over.

Like my weight, for example.

Over the winter I gained back almost 20 pounds that I worked so hard to lose during the summer/fall. Why did this happen? Because I let it happen. I caused it to happen. It was my choice, and now I am dealing with the consequences.

Now, I have to lose those 20 pounds before I get back to where I was. This didn’t happen for some magical reason. It happened because I ate too much food and didn’t move enough. Thankfully, though, I can learn from it and move on. I take full responsibility for my gains, and that gives me comfort because this is something I can actually control. I can control what I eat and when I move.

We are free to choose, but we must realize that the consequences of our actions are always going to be there. We can always learn from the things that happen to us, regardless of whether or not they “happen for a reason”.


No More Fooling Around…

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I’m renaming this month.  As of now, it is No-Fooling-Around-April.

After having quite an unsuccessful winter and beginning to spring, it is past time I refocus and take care of myself.

For April, I have four goals:

1. Eat healthy, wholesome foods & drink enough water.

2. Get in at least 30 minutes of activity at least 6 times a week.

3. Blog daily to track my progress.

4. Do something every day that makes me happy.

Honestly, this should be easy enough to do.  I’m not giving up.  Eventually, I will be at a healthy weight.  I just need to learn to enjoy the process.  If I actually enjoy what I’m doing, it’s going to be a lot easier to stay on point.


See Your Healthy Self (A Guest Post!)

This week, I’ve asked a good friend of mine to be a guest writer.  I met her through WordPress, as she has a wonderful blog where she writes about her journey on becoming a healthier woman, both inside and out.  I encourage you to visit her blog if you are looking for another great one to follow and learn from.

See Your Healthy Self

I was having lunch with a friend , and I mentioned that I have a whole person to lose–in weight. My current weight is 316 lbs. I could easily lose a 150 pounds and still be considered overweight by BMI measurements. My friend asked, “Can I tell you something and you not be offended?” Well, I don’t offend easily, but I braced myself and accepted her encouragement.

My friend is a life coach at heart, so I asked her to join me as a partner in my online support group. As a Behavior Specialist, I know how important vulnerability is to the development of a group, so I am frequently vulnerable and transparent in our group. She observed my focus on the amount of weight that I have to lose, and my acceptance of being fat, obese, — no…morbidly obese. I tried to explain to her why it is that I feel I need to accept who I am.

I have considered having some shirts made that say something like, “Don’t be fooled. I’m wearing a fat suit.” (if you take my idea, you better send me a shirt!) I am trying to imagine this outer covering of insulation as something that will eventually be taken off. Unfortunately, it isn’t something that I can just unzip and slip out of like a little black dress, so my healthy state isn’t as obvious to others as it is to me. Since others do not recognize my healthy state, I have had a difficult time accepting it myself.

While she understood where I was coming from, her message was that she doesn’t see me as fat. She sees all of the healthy decisions that I have permanently applied to my life, and she describes me as “healthy and disciplined,” two words I would never have used to describe myself given the appearance of my body. She believes psychologically, I have gotten in the way of my weight loss and health goals, by continually seeing myself as fat after making sustaining healthy changes.

So as I do with any problem, I searched for a solution. My response to her was, “Ok, so I am an excellent student. What I set out to do, I accomplish. I will accept your vision as my vision. I will be positive in my outlook and look for positive changes to come from it.” I am now attempting to make a permanent behavior change by seeing myself as she sees me. When I begin to evaluate myself, I will put on her glasses to see myself, and in doing so, it is my hope that permanent change will come.

I encourage you to do the same thing. Learn from my issues. Don’t require yourself to live through mistakes that someone else has conquered. Make a proclamation that will strengthen your health/fitness goals. Envision yourself stepping out of the layer of insulation that is covering you. Could it really be that simple–just unzip it and take it off? Not without work on nutrition/fitness of course, but with it, perhaps. Join me?

A special thank you to my friend Crystal Boyette for seeing me and helping me to see myself for who I truly am, and not what a fat prejudiced society teaches me to think. Also, thank you Laura Campbell for time on your blog. You inspire me!!

About the Author:  Margie Fuller has a master’s degree in Organizational Psychology and is a Behavior Specialist. She is the owner of the blog 241Journey on WordPress. She runs a private, FB support group for women who have 50 or more lbs to lose and struggle with self-concept issues.


a second chance (for the 1,593,247,217th time)

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Hello to my friends in the Blog World!  It’s been awhile, 2 1/2 months, so I guess a LONG WHILE.  My last post was about how terribly I was slacking, and unfortunately I just continued to slack throughout the holidays and into the new year.  I’m up more than 10 pounds, and I’m ready to lose them again, as well as more this time.

I wish this wasn’t so hard for me to do, but it just seems like it’s always going to be a daily struggle of mine.  But I will keep going.  I will keep trying.  Someday I WILL get this right!  I’m just trying to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to get everything perfectly right all at once.  I should be happy as long as I’m progressing…

So now I just need to make some type of progress.  I suppose writing this post is a progress all on its own.

I have dreams for my life.  I have goals for this year.  I’m just ready to finally be the woman I want to be, the woman I know I am deep inside somewhere.  I’m going to make progress this year.  I’ve wasted so much of my time, energy, money, and tears.

Blogging is therapeutic for me because it forces me to pause for at least a moment to write down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I need to do this more, even if just for me.