Category Archives: Personal Stories

I can do this.

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I’ve been working on decreasing my time and increasing my endurance for running. By gosh by golly I think I am getting better! April 1st when I started running again, it took me 16 min 26 sec to run 1.2 miles. Today it took me 14 min 15 sec!

I’m not sure if my body is just getting better, or if my mind is getting better and I’m learning to ignore my negative thoughts. I suppose a combo of both. But either way, I must keep improving!

I can do this. If I can stay out of my head long enough, I know I can get this done.

By the end of the summer, I want to be able to run this same route (1.2 miles) in under 10 minutes. That’s my long term goal for running. Here soon, I’m going to begin running longer distances again, but for now, I’m just trying to focus on this specific route. I’ve also been doing 10-15 minutes of intense elliptical after each run, too.

And I got a good deal on online yoga classes for 6 months, so I will be incorporating that into my workouts some, too.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this!

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Just Checking In

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Working out is easier when I’m on vacation and have no where I have to go. I’m thankful for this first week to kick-start it all, but I’m nervous about how I’ll do next week when I go back to work. I’ll figure it out though. I just have to stay focused. FOCUS!


Onward, I Go…

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I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up on everything. But I’m trying with all my might to stay positive and focused and to try and make the best decisions for my life. It’s so hard sometimes to know whether or not what I am doing will be worth it.

That’s why my focus can’t be a number. My focus can’t be how I’m going to look in a bathing suit. I can only focus on doing what makes my body healthier, stronger, and happier. And quite honestly, my entire being is happier and stronger and healthier when I’m giving it the proper nutrition and physically pushing myself to reach new goals. I need to remember that.

Remember that, Laura.

Sometimes I feel as if I know myself well. I can be honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts and actions. Other times I find myself pausing, quietly searching for me, for my purpose. Sometimes I just feel lost.

This morning, I’m really struggling. I want certain things in my life to be a certain way, and I just don’t know if I’m ever going to make it. I don’t feel strong enough. I don’t feel smart enough. I don’t know what I’m doing.

And that makes me want to just quit. It makes me want to forget about my goals and my search for happiness. But I can’t. Something within me just won’t let me give up entirely. Somehow I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to trust that I can do this. I’ve got to believe that this is going to work, that my life isn’t just wasting away, that I’m not just going to waste away.

Growing up, I always envisioned my life a little differently than how it’s turned out so far. I always dreamed about losing weight (since I was 6 years old), and I always dreamed about making a noticeable difference in the lives of others, and I always dreamed about being in love and being married, knowing that I had found that one person to share everything with, knowing that I would be happy and secure.

My problem is that I always DREAMED and never ACTED.

I feel like I’m just guessing at life. I suppose that’s in some way got to be normal. I just need to have confidence and enough faith in myself and enough faith in God to know that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens…I’m. Going. To. Be. Okay.

Here goes nothing… or everything, I suppose.

So there’s my woe-is-me post for the day.

Just getting this off my chest makes me feel a bit better. It also helps to feel the sun shining on me through the window and to hear the birds singing outside.

I’ve just got to stay focused! I’m done wallowing for the day. Things may be intense right now for me, but I’ve got good things going on, too. I just need to let them happen and get out of my own way!

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Four days into the month, and I’ve eaten good each day. I’ve also gone for a run each day. And I’ve done something that makes me happy each day. Yesterday I didn’t post a blog, but I have 3 out of the 4 days, so I’m okay with that. I’ve even lost 2.5 pounds. Overall, I am proud of myself for these last few days.

I know that I can turn all of this around. Even now I feel renewed a bit… it’s slight, but I can feel it.

I’m just going to fight this and move forward, because if I give in, that means I go backwards. And going backwards means I’m even further from my goals. And I refuse to do that this time.

Onward, I go.


Everything Happens for a Reason?

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There’s a popular saying I’m almost positive I hear once a day. Everything happens for a reason.

Spilled coffee all over yourself before work. Everything happens for a reason.

Ran out of gas. Everything happens for a reason.

Got fired from a job. Everything happens for a reason.

Loved one passes away. Everything happens for a reason.

And on and on it goes.

I’m not sure when I realized it, but somewhere along the line of growing up, I realized how much of a problem I have with this saying. I’m aware of how comforting this saying can be. It’s nice to have hope that things are going to work out and that every situation in your life happened for a very special and specific reason, because if you believe that everything happens for a reason, then you will probably have an easier time getting through whatever happens to you. But I’m also aware of how often this saying is used as an excuse. Sometimes you just run out of gas because you forgot to fill up the tank. Sometimes you get fired from a job for no other reason than you just weren’t doing the work good enough.

I happen to agree that everything does happen for a reason. But I suppose that phrase to me is more times than not more of a “no duh” statement. (No offense to those who firmly believe that everything does in fact happen for a reason.) Any action taken (even a non-action) is going to produce some type of result: Cause and Effect. So yes, everything does happen for a reason.

But do I think that everything that happens to us was supposed to happen exactly how it happened so some greater good could come from the experience? No, I don’t. At times that can certainly be the case, but sometimes bad things happen to us because our actions or someone else’s actions force them to happen. Sometimes bad things happen for the simple fact that life just sucks. Can something good come from our bad decisions and our bad experiences? Of course. Did said bad experience happen just so we could learn from it? No, I don’t think so.

Sometimes we just have to deal with the consequences of our decisions. The ability to learn from and gain something positive from a bad decision/bad experience is simply a blessing that allows us to hopefully grown as a person. One doesn’t lose a child or get cancer JUST so they could learn to appreciate their own life more. Learning to appreciate life is just a wonderfully bittersweet lesson gained from a terrible experience.

Some things are out of our control. No matter what we do, we have no real influence on the cause or even the effect. And that really sucks. But I’m talking about those mistakes we make that we had complete control over.

Like my weight, for example.

Over the winter I gained back almost 20 pounds that I worked so hard to lose during the summer/fall. Why did this happen? Because I let it happen. I caused it to happen. It was my choice, and now I am dealing with the consequences.

Now, I have to lose those 20 pounds before I get back to where I was. This didn’t happen for some magical reason. It happened because I ate too much food and didn’t move enough. Thankfully, though, I can learn from it and move on. I take full responsibility for my gains, and that gives me comfort because this is something I can actually control. I can control what I eat and when I move.

We are free to choose, but we must realize that the consequences of our actions are always going to be there. We can always learn from the things that happen to us, regardless of whether or not they “happen for a reason”.


a second chance (for the 1,593,247,217th time)

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Hello to my friends in the Blog World!  It’s been awhile, 2 1/2 months, so I guess a LONG WHILE.  My last post was about how terribly I was slacking, and unfortunately I just continued to slack throughout the holidays and into the new year.  I’m up more than 10 pounds, and I’m ready to lose them again, as well as more this time.

I wish this wasn’t so hard for me to do, but it just seems like it’s always going to be a daily struggle of mine.  But I will keep going.  I will keep trying.  Someday I WILL get this right!  I’m just trying to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to get everything perfectly right all at once.  I should be happy as long as I’m progressing…

So now I just need to make some type of progress.  I suppose writing this post is a progress all on its own.

I have dreams for my life.  I have goals for this year.  I’m just ready to finally be the woman I want to be, the woman I know I am deep inside somewhere.  I’m going to make progress this year.  I’ve wasted so much of my time, energy, money, and tears.

Blogging is therapeutic for me because it forces me to pause for at least a moment to write down my thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  I need to do this more, even if just for me.


Slacking…

I am seriously slacking on this blog, which is sad because I do really enjoy writing down my thoughts here.  I should start back up.  My weight loss has stalled, or I guess I should say I have gained a few pounds back!  I’m ready to focus again, so it’s probably a good time to start this blog back up!  Losing weight in December seems so impossible to me.  Someone please tell me they’ve succeeded at weight loss in December!?  🙂


A Look Inside My Heart

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September has gone by way too quickly, but that’s okay. I don’t care much for September anyway.

But I am looking forward to October. I think I’m happiest and most hopeful in October. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it just seems like all is right in my world in the month of October.

I adore the Fall. I love everything about it: the colorful, falling leaves; pumpkin patches and apple orchards; the cool mornings; sweaters and jeans and boots; bon fires and hot apple cider and hot tea. Everything is just perfect in October.

Anyway. My September goals haven’t gone so great. It takes me awhile to get into a new routine, and I think I’m almost there.  I’ve lost some weight, which is always good.  I’m going in the right direction.  Like always, I’m just taking my sweet time getting there.  Maybe that’s just me.  Sometimes I think it’s good to take your time.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  But I’m thinking I could still be slow and steady, but just do it a little bit faster!

I’m feeling more and more prepared and ready to make this a permanent life style.  I want to be the type of person who looks forward to waking up early to go for a run.  I want to feel proud of myself for working hard and accomplishing things I never thought I could.  I want to be able to wear whatever I want and feel confident and beautiful in anything or nothing.

I want to live my life knowing that I’ve done everything I could to make it a life worth living.  It goes so beyond just weight loss.  I don’t just want to lose the fat.  I want to lose the insecurities.  I want to lose everything that’s holding me back.  I want to lose the fear and anxiety.  I want to lose my lack of motivation.  I want to live a life with no regrets.  That’s what I want.  It’s what I need.

I want to be happy, and I know that starts with me.  No one can make me happy, at least not the happy I’m talking about.  Happy isn’t even the word, really.  I want to be at peace.  I want to be content with who I am as a woman.  I want to fully know that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing.

I want to love those around me with the purest of loves.  I don’t ever want someone I love to question whether or not they have my love.  I want them to know within their souls that they are loved by me.

Anyway.  That’s what I’m thinking about this morning.  What are you thinking about?  🙂