Why do I complicate things for myself? I don’t understand me. Like at all.
I just want to be able to commit to something and give it my everything. But I always fall short. I literally can’t commit to anything for more than a day it seems. Keeping my room clean, staying in touch with people I love, blogging, prepping meals, running, losing weight ….
Ugh. Losing weight. That’s the worst one.
Even when I do actually do well for a few weeks, I get complacent and almost completely undo everything I worked so hard for.
Whyyyyyyyyyyy?
This struggle is real. I’m convinced I will never struggle with anything else as much as I will struggle with my own self.
I was thinking today how I need to refocus again. I’ve been thinking this a few days now, actually. Yesterday I decided today would be the day that I just start all over. Today would be the day to refocus again.
And then I realized one of the problems. I need to refocus every single day. I need to recommit every day. I need to remind myself why I am doing this.
Every. Single. Day.
Hyping it up on Day One isn’t going to be good enough for Day Twenty-One. Shoot, it’s not even going to be good enough for Day Two.
I compared myself to my car today. I always let the gas get down to around 10 miles until empty. I don’t know why. But I do. One time I did this on a road trip and we just barely made it to a gas station. Remember that, Ben? Hahahaha…. okay maybe it’s not funny. Definitely not then…… Maybe a little funny now?
But anyway. I do the same with my tablet. And my phone. I let it almost die before I recharge it.
And while that may semi-work for a car, tablet, or phone, that does not and will never work for me.
I am not a machine.
if I wait until I am empty, until I’ve completely lost focus and passion and stamina, then I’m just going to be dying refueling/recharging over and over again. I’m never going to progress. I’m going to lose the same 5, 10, 20…90 pounds over and over! And yes, I’m working on losing the same 90 pounds again.
So because I’m so tired of annoying myself and trying to make Day One’s energy last me for days at a time until I peter out and undo it all, I’m going to try to refocus every day.
I want to remind myself why I am doing this.
So why am I doing this?
1. I want to be healthy. Not just “good-enough” healthy, but really healthy. I don’t want my own neglect to be the reason I find myself with some disease or complication now or later in life. I already have enough going against me. Why add to the problem?
2. I want to stop hiding behind insecurities, fears, and assumptions. I once made a list of almost 100 things I didn’t do because of my weight. I don’t want my body to limit anything I think I can or cannot do.
3. I want to keep my promise of losing weight and being healthy. I owe it to myself, and I’ve punished myself entirely too long.
But overall… I want to lose weight because I want to be happy.
And I’m not going to be truly happy until I am healthy, until I stop hiding, and until I fulfill my promise. I’m not going to be fully happy until I can look deep inside my soul and know that I really did give everything that I had.
So my game plan?
1. reFOCUS every day. Remind myself why I’m doing this. Remember what’s at stake if I don’t.
2. Eat and drink properly.
3. Move efficiently and often.
That’s all. That’s as detailed of a plan as I have. I’m not going to waste my time drawing out some elaborate workout plan and to-do list. I’m just going to do it.
I know that I’m worth it. I even know that I can do it. I just have to refocus. Every. Single. Day.
I would love to know what you do to stay focused. 🙂
Laura's Losing It... 
May 8th, 2015 at 5:47 pm
YOU CAN DO THIS! Your honesty here is beautiful!
May 15th, 2015 at 1:49 pm
Thanks so much for your comment and encouragement!
May 8th, 2015 at 5:59 pm
I really still look at it one day, one decision at a time. A piece of advice that has stuck with me over the years is “make the next best choice”, as in, take it one choice at a time and do the best you can with each one. Don’t let perfection get in the way of progress. It keeps me from getting overwhelmed by the big picture, but it also doesn’t let me coast or lose focus. If I’m taking it one choice at a time, that means it always has to be somewhere in my mind. I also keep my list of whys as a pic on my phone, to remind me when I lose focus. You can do this, you know you can. 🙂
May 15th, 2015 at 1:50 pm
Thanks for the encouragement! That is a great piece of advice, to make the next best choice. Thanks for sharing!
May 8th, 2015 at 11:41 pm
I had to deal with your conundrum when I quit drinking. Some people, 90% actually, can drink alcohol successfully. I cannot. I’ve used up every option. The only thing that works is not taking that first drink. Anything less than 100% abstinence ends in abject failure. You do not eat junk successfully. You don’t get to a place where you need to lose 90 whole pounds on tofurkey and broccoli.
You also have another problem. You tend to be sedentary as well.
To make matters worse, you try to commit long-term, thinking a day off or a cheat day is okay. Not for you. This is why you’re always fall back to your old ways. You have that one day of lazy, cheat food bliss and that turns into another and another.
With alcoholism, a cheat day means jail, prison (they’re not the same), divorce and eventually death, because once I start up, I cannot stop. I can’t. Stop.
This is a one-day-at-a-time, long term deal. No days off, no cheat days, no slips, no more kidding yourself. You must decide to be done and change your life. Once you turn your back on your old lifestyle, it sucks at first but the farther you get from it, the easier it becomes to maintain the new lifestyle.
So, every day you have to start the day acknowledging that you have a problem and just for today you will live a better life. You will eat well and properly and you will get out and exercise. Every day. No cheating, no days off. You can have a day off or a cheat day when tomorrow gets here. The trick is, it never does. Your bliss foods are poison to you. To your spirit, to who you want to be. Lethargy, shutting yourself in, and isolation are poison to you. To your spirit, to who you want to be. You have to be done with these things. Done with the notion that, if you do it just a little different, this time it’ll be okay. It won’t be okay. We are never okay with poison.
The hardest part is being done. When you give into your desire to cheat, to stay in today, you’re not done.
Might want to buy a decent raincoat. 😉
May 15th, 2015 at 1:58 pm
Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve been thinking about what you said all week, about how what I think I love and enjoy and need is truly what’s limiting me, hurting me, killing me. Thanks for sharing your story with me. Very encouraging. I appreciate your support and input. 🙂
May 15th, 2015 at 2:04 pm
I’m glad you received it well as I tend to be a blunt instrument at times. Know that I wish all of the success I want for me, on you – and if I didn’t really care, I’d have kept my keyboard shut. 😉
May 15th, 2015 at 2:12 pm
Thank you!!! 🙂