Onward, I Go…

d317f12ee48146f03e4d5f8edd19e125

I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up on everything. But I’m trying with all my might to stay positive and focused and to try and make the best decisions for my life. It’s so hard sometimes to know whether or not what I am doing will be worth it.

That’s why my focus can’t be a number. My focus can’t be how I’m going to look in a bathing suit. I can only focus on doing what makes my body healthier, stronger, and happier. And quite honestly, my entire being is happier and stronger and healthier when I’m giving it the proper nutrition and physically pushing myself to reach new goals. I need to remember that.

Remember that, Laura.

Sometimes I feel as if I know myself well. I can be honest with myself regarding my feelings and thoughts and actions. Other times I find myself pausing, quietly searching for me, for my purpose. Sometimes I just feel lost.

This morning, I’m really struggling. I want certain things in my life to be a certain way, and I just don’t know if I’m ever going to make it. I don’t feel strong enough. I don’t feel smart enough. I don’t know what I’m doing.

And that makes me want to just quit. It makes me want to forget about my goals and my search for happiness. But I can’t. Something within me just won’t let me give up entirely. Somehow I’ve got to figure this out. I’ve got to trust that I can do this. I’ve got to believe that this is going to work, that my life isn’t just wasting away, that I’m not just going to waste away.

Growing up, I always envisioned my life a little differently than how it’s turned out so far. I always dreamed about losing weight (since I was 6 years old), and I always dreamed about making a noticeable difference in the lives of others, and I always dreamed about being in love and being married, knowing that I had found that one person to share everything with, knowing that I would be happy and secure.

My problem is that I always DREAMED and never ACTED.

I feel like I’m just guessing at life. I suppose that’s in some way got to be normal. I just need to have confidence and enough faith in myself and enough faith in God to know that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens I’m going to be okay, that no matter what happens…I’m. Going. To. Be. Okay.

Here goes nothing… or everything, I suppose.

So there’s my woe-is-me post for the day.

Just getting this off my chest makes me feel a bit better. It also helps to feel the sun shining on me through the window and to hear the birds singing outside.

I’ve just got to stay focused! I’m done wallowing for the day. Things may be intense right now for me, but I’ve got good things going on, too. I just need to let them happen and get out of my own way!

f72c0aba40cfc4f1869fb83159535ae8

Four days into the month, and I’ve eaten good each day. I’ve also gone for a run each day. And I’ve done something that makes me happy each day. Yesterday I didn’t post a blog, but I have 3 out of the 4 days, so I’m okay with that. I’ve even lost 2.5 pounds. Overall, I am proud of myself for these last few days.

I know that I can turn all of this around. Even now I feel renewed a bit… it’s slight, but I can feel it.

I’m just going to fight this and move forward, because if I give in, that means I go backwards. And going backwards means I’m even further from my goals. And I refuse to do that this time.

Onward, I go.

Advertisements

7 responses to “Onward, I Go…

  • Fictionatrix

    Your post is so relatable. I used to envision for myself a happier life “after” I lost a certain amount of weight. Sadly however it was a far fetched goal. A few times I did reach it but then ended up back where I started. It makes me happy to see that you have made the right choices. Chasing a number is useless. One needs to just keep moving in the right direction and results would show automatically. Good luck and Take care! 🙂

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      Thank you for the encouragement – I really appreciate it! I used to think I was unhappy because I was fat. But I’m realizing more and more that along I was fat because I was unhappy. Huge difference there! Thanks again!

      • Fictionatrix

        The pleasure is all mine. I agree with you!
        It took me some time too. But finally I am at a place from where I can begin a journey of self acceptance and progress.
        We can achieve our goals, slowly and steadily! 🙂

  • 241lady

    I know your feeling of looking at your life and wanting more and feeling that you don’t have what it takes to accomplish what you want. You know what though…then I stumble across someone who isn’t nearly as qualified or experienced, who is kicking butt doing what I want to do. I came to this realization just this year. There are those people who think and plan, and then there are those people who just do. I want to become more of the doer. I realize that planning is important, but the planning can come once the doing has happened. I am now beginning to DO. I feel out of my element, but I do believe that one day it will all come together. Whatever it is that you’re seeking to do, imagine yourself already there. What are you doing?—DO THAT. Let the rest of it come as needed. You know I’m one of your biggest fans! You’ve got my support all the way. Let me know if there’s something I can do to help you.

  • SimpleLivingOver50

    We have our good days and our bad days Laura. I go through these spells all the time. I really do believe it has something to do with the moon phases and our energy levels. Some days I am just so positive and stay that way for weeks, and then all of a sudden I become this self doubter. I agree that tracking numbers means little. I am learning that doing fun things like playing basketball or tennis helps out because I have fun and don’t think about the fact that I am working out.

  • Laura-is-Inspired

    Thanks. I am definitely the same way. It just seems to come and go. 🙂

Thoughts? Comments?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: