Ben and I went for a run a few days ago. I don’t know why but sometimes I can’t seem to move my legs at all. This was one of those times.
I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. The words “I can’t do it” even crossed my lips, but I ran anyway. S … L … O … W …
Ben came up behind me and put his hand on my back, pushing me forward. I had to move faster; otherwise, I would fall. So I ran faster, and I was so amazed at how fast I was running with his help. After awhile I completely forgot he was even there. I was running as fast as I do in my dreams. And it was amazing. Do you remember how it felt to learn to ride a bike for the first time? Mom or Dad or Brother or Grandma or Whoever, finally letting go of you and the bike so you could ride on your own…
It felt like that.
I could see our house a few blocks away, and I was so excited because I was running so fast and because i was going to be done running soon.
So what does Ben do? He guides me down a different road, leading me away from the end of our run. It was hard to fight back the tears. I actually wanted to stop running and fall to the ground, kicking and screaming and pouting like a child. To make it worse, Ben let go of me and ran ahead of me. My pace slowed drastically.
Here I was just a few blocks away from my house, and I felt so lost and abandoned. How silly of me, honestly. I realized how irrational I was being and decided to run faster and just deal with it. I picked up the pace, Ben came back, and I ran my fastest home, feeling more accomplished than I probably ever have.
Because sometimes we think we know where we are going, only to find we actually have no idea. We think we have it all figured out. But life throws something at us and we have to duck or turn around or venture down a different path. We don’t always get to do things how we think they should be done.
But that’s okay. Because if we stay focused, we can still get it done.
I learned something from that run, well several somethings, really.
1. I don’t always have to know where I am going because I am strong enough and smart enough to deal with it.
2. Even when I think I can’t, I have to try anyway, because more than likely I’m going to prove myself wrong.
3. Ben wasn’t abandoning me. He was doing quite the opposite, really. He was letting me figure it out on my own so I could grow from it, deal with it. Him running ahead and leaving me behind was him supporting me. Besides, he came back less than a minute later anyway! And he encouraged me all the way home.
I’ve been trying to lose weight for 20 years now. I can’t even count how many times I have failed. But I’m finally getting somewhere. This time it is different, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Keep going after your goals and dreams. Sooner or later you are going to get it right. 🙂