to fail … or NOT to fail

It isn’t fun to fail.  I’m aware that’s kind of a “no duh” statement, but I struggle with failing.  I know how discouraging it is to fail, and yet I allow myself to fail over and over.  Granted, there are some things I have no control over.  Some things I’m going to fail at because I have no other option but to fail.  That’s not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about how it sucks to fail at something that I know I should be and CAN BE succeeding at.

In this case, I’m talking about my weight loss journey.

I fail.  I give up.

And then I feel sorry for myself…

And while I’m moping around because I failed at something I should have conquered, I find myself in an even deeper hole than I was before because while I was moping, I was slacking on the exercise and stuffing my face with unhealthy foods.

So by the time I can talk myself into trying again, I have to play catch up…

And by the time I catch up to where I was before I gave up in the first place, I’m so exhausted that I can easily talk myself out of going any further.

After all, I did just work really hard to lose those 5 or 10 pounds, right?

So I give up… again… at the same exact place I was the last time.  Before I gave up.  No progress.  I worked hard in between the two failures, but it doesn’t even matter because I’m still in the same place.

I’m so annoying.

I’m tired of annoying myself.  I’m tired of getting close to something great and letting it pass me by so I can take something of lesser value.

Makes. No. Sense.

I’m saying all of this now because I’m on the cusp of something great again. 

I don’t want to ruin it.  I don’t want to fail, especially by my own hands.

So I’m going to try something crazy here and actually not let myself give up.  I’m not giving up.  I know my pattern, and I know that right now is about the time I would give up.

But I’m not going to this time.  I’m going to go beyond where I usually go.  I like what I’m seeing in the mirror.  I like how strong I am becoming.  I like this version of me, and I’m not ready for her to go away.

I’m ready for her to become even better, stronger, healthier.

And I’m not going to accomplish that by giving up.

So onward I go…

Whatever it is you are struggling with, whether that’s an addiction or self-acceptance or some goal, don’t give up.  It will be worth the fight.  Yes, the fight may be long, and you will fall down some.  But get back up.

Always. Get. Back. Up.

Always.

You owe it to yourself.  You really do.

To fail or not to fail… What’s it going to be?

 

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