Being Fat Makes Me Do Stupid Things…

All my life I’ve had too much fat on my body, and all my life I’ve allowed that to significantly influence almost every decision I’ve made. When I was a teenager, I made a list of things I don’t do because of my weight.  I came up with 80 different things.

80!

Over the years I’ve slowly been crossing some of the items off the list–either because I now do it or because I realized how stupid it was for it to ever be on there in the first place.

Some examples…

I wouldn’t…

jump on trampolines with my friends, swim or go to the beach, sit in lawn chairs because I was afraid I would break them or get stuck…

I couldn’t…

sit on the ground because I didn’t want people watching me try to get up, run or do any kind of physical activity…

I didn’t…

go to a single dance at school (not even prom), have a boyfriend, date…

I didn’t…

wear tank tops, bathing suits, shorts, or even capris.  I used to never wear dresses.

And I know how ridiculous that sounds.

But I created and believed these lies that I couldn’t do these things because of my fat.   But things are changing.

Now, I wear dresses all the time, and I love them.  I love them even more, I think, because they symbolize that I’m making progress.  That I’m learning to stop being so hard on myself.  That maybe, just maybe, my fatness doesn’t have to define who I am anymore.  Just because I have fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or deserving.  And that is such a freeing feeling.

It’s important to mention that I never really held anyone else up to the standards I had for myself, which should have been a hint to me that many of the things on my list were completely irrational and unnecessary and disrespectful.

I’m tired of disrespecting myself.

But nevertheless, I limited myself, and it crippled me.

I’m tired of being crippled, especially by my own hands.

I still have a list of things I don’t do because of my weight, but it’s getting much smaller, and I’m looking forward to continue the process of crossing them off one by one.

It’s time I stop allowing my fat to cripple me.  It’s time I stop making excuses and just go for what I want and deserve in life.

What are some things you’ve denied yourself because you felt like you didn’t deserve them?  How did you overcome it?  I’d love for you to share your thoughts, struggles, success stories with me.

Laura.

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12 responses to “Being Fat Makes Me Do Stupid Things…

  • bejamin4

    Being treated right. I never felt good enough for anything or anyone, so I thought it was ok to let everyone walk over me no matter what they said or did to me. I think I’m finally moving in a direction contrary to that. Very inspirational writing, Laura. I hope many more of your 80 fall down and never stand back up.

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      Thanks, Ben. I’m so happy you are moving in the opposite direction. No one deserves to be walked on, especially when that person is as great as you are. You are good enough, more than good enough, really. Keep going in that direction, and you will realize and believe that more and more. Thanks for your encouragement. It means everything to me.

  • The Other Side of Ugly - Letters to Humanity

    I just want to say thank you for sharing yours! It’s refreshing and encouraging. Peace and kindness I wish for you. Sheri

  • aschlady

    I agree that you sharing these things is refreshing and encouraging. I am so glad you are crossing stuff off the list and wearing dresses! I can tell you are a beautiful person inside and out 🙂 Keep at it!

    So, I have the good fortune of not struggling with my weight early in life. I have always played sports and been pretty active. I began having trouble with weight and body image after having children. This might sound silly but as a mom of two, I have personally denied myself making a fitness and nutrition plan because I was scared of failure, as if I didn’t deserve to be fit anymore. It’s like I didn’t want to have a plan or try to be healthy because I didn’t want to fail and have to tell people that I was a failure. I realize this is different then depriving myself of other things but it’s what I thought of when you asked the questions. Thanks again for sharing!

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      the fear of failure is paralyzing. i think a lot of mothers struggle with body image after having babies. it makes sense. i don’t think your experience is any different than mine really. we both deprived ourselves of things we deserved. we probably shouldn’t do that 🙂 thanks for your comment!

  • mindykannon

    Hi Laura,
    I work with women that want to lose weight and be healthier. Many have expressed the same feelings you do in this post. One guy I was working with promised himself that he would stay in a job he hated because that is what he deserved and he thought no one would ever hire him if he was over-weight. The first thing we worked on was his feelings about himself and what was really going on that made him feel that he was not deserving. Over the course of 6 months he learned to see the triggers that brought on negative behaviors, find other activities that enhanced his healthy, focus on his health and not weight . He lost 50 pounds, learned to cook and has started to send his resume out in search of a better, more satisfying job because – He Deserves It! (as he always did).
    Thank you for being so candid, it will be a huge driving force in your life!
    You are going to kick butt!
    Mindy

    • Laura-is-Inspired

      thanks so much for your comment! i’ve been paying attention to my triggers and am trying to avoid them. it’s helping 🙂

      • mindykannon

        Food and money are never about food and money they are about how we feel and what we have experienced….we use them as a substitute for love. I tell my clients to ask themselves this…”If I love my body what would I choose to show that love?”

        • Laura-is-Inspired

          I love my body I should only do things to it that’s going to benefit it and not hurt it. I do feel better when I eat clean foods. I do feel better after “almost dying” from exercising. I physically, mentally, and emotionally feel better. It’s so worth it…

  • littlemoreeachday

    I know what you mean. There were so many things I didn’t do because of my weight and it’s just silly. One of my goals for the month is to tackle the rock wall at the gym because I was always embarrassed to do it when I was overweight.

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