I just realized that I’m an idiot… well, at least an idiot for what I’m about to tell you.
I struggle with denying myself sugar, fat, and and processed crap, but I have no problem denying myself happiness, health, and strength. Why is that?
I was just thinking about how it’s so hard for me to say “No” to junk food. Usually, one way or another, I will talk myself into eating something I have no business eating.
Then I started thinking about other areas of my life. If I want to watch a movie, I will ignore the work I have to get done and watch the movie instead. If I want to buy a pair of shoes, I will buy them even if I don’t need them or should be spending the money on something else. The list goes on, really. I’m constantly seeking things that instantly satisfy me. Constantly. I’m not saying I do this in all areas of my life because I don’t think I do, but I do it enough to know that it’s a problem of mine.
The problem with seeking things to satisfy you instantly is that the satisfaction instantly goes away and is gone as quickly as it came. You’re left there with an empty plate and crumbs on your shirt and maybe some stuck between your teeth. You’re left there a nice pair of shoes but a dent in your banking account. You’re left there with a movie watched but even more work waiting for you. It never ends. It’s tiring, really.
And then I had two thoughts: 1) I don’t think I deny myself anything and 2) Holy crap, I am denying myself all of the good stuff.
I’m not sure why it took so long for me to put the two together, but I realized that when I seek pleasure NOW, I’m paying for it not only NOW but LATER as well.
I’m missing out on all the good things in life. I’m missing out on the strength I know is inside of me. I’m missing out on happiness. And health. And the satisfaction of knowing I am taking care of myself, of knowing that I’m loving myself. Because let’s be honest, when I treat myself with disrespect (like how I called myself an idiot at the beginning…ooops…or when I eat the desserts and ruin the hard work I did) I’m not loving myself. And if I’m not loving myself…then how can I love others…how can I do anything worth doing if I don’t even respect myself enough to say “No” to some ridiculous food so I can say “Yes” to health and happiness?
Just a thought I had today…
Anyway, I’ve worked out four days in a row on my new elliptical. Buying it looks as if it’s going to be one of the greatest health decisions I’ve ever made. I’m hopeful it’s going to work! This week I am going to begin incorporating some strength training as well, and maybe I’ll even begin yoga again.
The problem has never been my exercising, though. It all begins and ends with the food. What I put in my mouth has always been the deciding factor on whether or not I lose weight. I’m not doing horrible by any means. This week I’ve eaten better than I have in a long time. I even resisted all the sweets at the baby shower a few days ago!! But there’s still room for improvement.
Is there anyone else out there like me? Do you sometimes feel like you are chained to unhealthy food and sucky decisions? What do you do to overcome it?